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ficbitches's Journal

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Slap to the Head Fanfiction!
1 January
External Services:
  • ficbitches@livejournal.com
*** WARNING ***
Adult content may be linked/quoted in these reviews. We review fanfiction. A disproportionate amount of it is porn. You may not have noticed, but the word "bitch" is in the URL of this site: this should have been your first clue that our content is not pure as the driven snow. Also, Dear Concerned Citizens: the net is not a babysitter.


Have you ever read a fanfic that was popular and yet really bad? Did you make fun of it with your friends, complain about it in chat or IRC, quote the worst bits in a private blog entry for people to laugh at, but not dare to say anything about it in public because pissy authors and their friends will send you spam and flames instead of admitting their work isn't perfect? Well, we're not putting up with that anymore.

This is a fanfiction review site. It's different from other sites because we're reviewing fic for the readers, and not for the authors. We are not here to give authors compliments - we're tired of being flamed or accused of being bitches when we try to tell someone their work has problems without giving them five pages of compliments first. So screw the writers. This page is for readers; think of it like a book or movie review page. We're just going to say what we honestly think of fics, and if the author wants to listen to what we're saying, well, that's a bonus.

And you know what we think? Fanfic writers are often attention-seeking crybabies who can't write, and they need a slap to the fuckin' head.

Before you complain to livejournal, flame us, write up a long angry huffy rant, or whatever, please be aware: THESE ARE OUR HONEST OPINIONS. We are not saying anyone has to agree with us. We are not saying you have to change your fic. We're not saying fics we don't like should be removed from the net. We're not saying the authors of fics we negatively review are bad humans. We're saying what we liked/didn't like about fics, and we try to say it in a fun way rather than a dry academic way because we'd like people to read it. PLEASE, before you throw a hissy fit, read our FAQ, which contains lengthy responses to most of the common issues with this site.

Is this page rude? Yes. Very. As noted above, we created it in the first place because we were tired of the culture of fake politeness that surrounds the ficcing community.

Is this page intended as harassment, flaming, bashing, or otherwise maliciously harmful? No.

We're not malicious. We don't set out to hurt people's feelings. We try to review publicly posted works without bringing the authors into it any more than necessary. In addition, as REPEATEDLY stated, this is all opinion. Opinion can't be wrong or right. It's just what someone thinks. (And we think we're right, but it doesn't make it so, any more than you thinking we are wrong does.)

We don't email authors to make them feel bad, we don't spam them with requests to remove things we don't like from the web, we don't try to destroy their websites, we don't threaten to kill their pets if they don't comply with our demands. Nor do we encourage our readers in the above. We do not harass. (In fact, several people who have been featured have actually enjoyed our reviews, and we've gotten many requests from people to look at their own fics.)

We're just posting our opinions in public. It's rude, but it's not illegal. Mildly hurt feelings because a bunch of snobby fangirls didn't like your erotic fanfiction will not stand up in court. In conclusion: shut up and go make your own page where you show the world what a bunch of stupid whorebags we are. It will no doubt be popular.

ABOUT COMMENTS: We moved to LJ for several reasons, one of which is that readers can now comment on fics or reviews. We welcome any comments, both good and bad, with the following condition: be coherent and focused. If you disagree with our review of something, leave a calm, grammatical comment about what exactly you disgreed with.

Do not say something like "OMG UR SO MEAN Y KANT U B NICE????????///" or its more educated sister, "Why can't you be positive about fics, these ficcers are just expressing themselves in the fandom!" We've already answered such vague questions in the FAQ, and we're highly unlikely to rethink the ENTIRE PREMISE OF THIS SITE.

However, if you were to say, "Well, I don't agree that carefully typing out everyone's dialect is distracting, it's part of characterization" - that sort of comment we'd love to see. In the end, we want this site to promote thought about the actual mechanics of writing as they relate to fanfiction.

ABOUT FIC RECS AND GUEST REVIEWS: Please continue to email those to us at healingcock at gmail dot com. Leave a comment somewhere so we know to check for it. Guest reviews should be in HTML or txt - and don't expect them to be automatically accepted without being looked over, or accepted at all. Okay?

OTHER QUESTIONS: RTFM (that's the FAQ). If you're not sure what a fandom or fanfic-related term that we used meant, check out our lexicon.

Rating position