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We're baaaaaaaaack
Ficbitches
ficbitches
In a sense; I finally crawled out from under my 70-hour workweek and checked our gmail account, only to discover that nobody had checked it for about six months. We're horrible people.

To my joy, however, I found several guest reviews that I will promptly slap up here while I continue gouging out my eyes with this fic. I'm working on a review as I speak...no, seriously! Why are you all laughing? Even better, one of the reviews is by someone we'd previously sporked, so we've got proof that you can have a sense of humor about this. After all, people, it's just the internet.

~ Leather Daddy




Greetings, all. I'm Rann. You may remember me as the author of the fic that Leather Daddy reviewed here... and then you may say "What the hell, freak?! FicBitches reviewed your twisted fic, you're supposed to hate them more than someone with John Kerry's face tattooed on their pelvis hates George Bush! What are you doing submitting a guest review?!"

Well, that would be because I love FicBitches. I've loved them ever since I discovered them via the review of "Pop Goes the Ranma". Hell, I love the review of that, I thought it was pretty damn funny. That fic is something that I'M amazed I wrote, something I just sort of grin and shake my head at... I'm still not ashamed at it, just a little bemused that I wrote it at all, it feels like reading someone else's work.

But my point is, there's anything but hard feelings, and FicBitches has been quiet for far too long.

Now, rather than go trolling for some pour soul's fanfic to jump all over, I thought I'd indulge in a different activity I rather enjoy... cruising FF.net not for bad fanfics, but bad fanfic summaries. Often, the summary is the most jaw-dropping, head-shaking, please-end-my-suffering part of the whole thing. And let's face it... just hitting the summaries appeals to that low attention span in all of us. It also saves one the utter and pure agony of wanting to claw their eyes out at the fic's actual writing, and merely provides that soothing migraine of horror at the simple concept of the fic.

Generally, the best thing to do is hit a fairly small fandom, one that only has a couple of pages of fics, so you can roll through one entire sucky fandom at a go. I did this with Carmen Sandiego fandom, a small show with a surprising number of fics, almost all of them conforming to the horrible fanfiction stereotypes that you'd really expect of a much larger, much crazier fandom.

So, let's try and pick our fandom today, shall we? We need something with a suitable number of fics, probably somewhere between fifty and a hundred, give a few dozen. Anime fandom is a little too easy, and we almost EXPECT all this stuff from it. It's much more fun when the very concept of it makes your teeth grind. So, in that spirit and in hopes of destroying a few childhoods, let's hit the "Cartoon" section.

Aladdin? Too many. (Though morbid curiosity almost compells anyway.) Alvin and the Chipmunks? Sure to be scary, but a bit too few. Chip 'n' Dale's Rescue Rangers...? ... So tempting, right number, but then we'd likely just be harping on all the Gadget fics. Ah... AH! Perfect!

Mummies Alive!.

A little-known, weekday-morning nineties show, Mummies Alive! featured the adventures of four mummies with magic armor, martial arts, and cool vehicles protecting their reincarnated Pharaoh. It's like a wonderful list of all that's wacky and stereotypical about American cartoons, but despite that, it was still a FUN series, and I cursed every single day that I was forced to leave in the middle of it to go to school. The characters were amusing, the character DESIGN was cool, and overall it's one of those things you think back to and say "Heh... that was great."
Let's see if we can destroy that feeling in 89 fics or less, shall we?

Because if there's not some sex between the living dead before this is over, I'll be VERY disappointed.Collapse )