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Sailor Moon :: Reflections (At A Tori Amos Concert)
Leather Daddy
Sailor Moon :: Reflections (At A Tori Amos Concert)
Reviewed by: Leather Daddy

PLOT: 0/5 ("Raye" and "Serena" go to a Tori Amos concert. And uh...discover they're in love.)
CHARACTERIZATION: 2/5 at best (See Raye drink! Drink, Raye, drink! See Serena leer! Leer, Serena, leer!)

For this ficbitching, I thought I'd try something a little different - a yuri fic. For those of you who aren't up on your fanfiction slang, this means that thar be lesbians ahead, arrr! If you don't like that, I suggest you skip this review.

There are two basic kinds of yuri fics that I've read. One is the so-called "yuri fic" which is generally written by guys, and serves the same function as old-fashioned "lesbian pr0n." No offense to you guys, but this stuff is pretty hysterical, just as bad as your standard yaoi PWP.

"It means that her ovaries, maybe even her sexual ejaculate..."
"Sexual ejaculate?" "Pussy cum, Mr. President, pussy cum. It could have powerful Mako properties. However there could be a problem harvesting it's power."
..."(Aki, how many girls actually fancy me?)"
"Hee! Hee! Hee! (ALL OF THEM!)"
"I.... See......" Tifa calmly walked down the ramp, as the girls watched her in quiet amazement. She climbed up onto the table and looked around at the girls. "Well then.....First one to strip me naked, gets a cunt lickin' from me!"
..."(Wow, this is intense, I've never been in an orgy this big!)" The girls started to wrestle for position, as many of them were poking every hole possible on Tifa, as well as licking every square inch of her. At least a dozen fingers and three thungs were inside Tifa's pussy. Her breasts were being sucked so much, they might fall off, she was being groaped in every possible place, and one of the girls was trying to get the most out of a French kiss that she struggled so hard for.
She just couldn't hold it in. She was cumming every 10 seconds, each with it's own orgasm, and the orgasms were getting more powerful each time. Suddenly, the girl kissing Tifa had stopped and was pulled away. in it's place appeared someone's cunt. It was just instinct for Tifa to start to lick it.

(From Rebel Heart, the SEQUEL to Chocobo Nights)


"Hmmm..." Chibi-usa observed wryly. "I don't think that this is any sort of punishment at all." SLAP! SLAP!SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! Again, Tandi shuddered in climax, crying out this time. "You like this, don't you, Tandi?" SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
"Yes," Tandi whispered.
"I can't hear you!" SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
"YES!" Tandi screamed, cumming hard this time, her juices dripping on to the comforter.

(From "Good Girl" by Sunrunner - "a story done on request." Let me note that this fic goes on to involve a dog banging Tandi.)

Hmmm, you get the idea here? Pussy, pussy, splurting pussy-cum, rug-munching, screaming orgasms at the drop of a hat. It's a little bit a case of quantity over quality. And the inborn instinct to lick whatever bodypart someone shoves in your face. You also get the distinct feeling that the writer isn't entirely sure what's down there, so they're deliberately vague. "There's...a cunt...and you lick cunts in lesbo sex...that's all you need to know! Yeah! Duh huh huh..."

Boy, I had fun looking for representative fics! I hope I managed to adequately amuse/horrify you readers.

And now, the flipside. Yuri porn fics written by girls. You'll notice a certain difference from the samples I gave above, but quite honestly, usually it's not much better, just...different. I never thought female writers could be just as stupid about the female body and female characters as male writers, but I was proven wrong repeatedly.

Today's fic, according to the archivist:

Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
Reflections (At A Tori Amos Concert)
Usagi, Rei, and a concert. By cheebs! NC-17

I stopped and stared at this. Okay. Sailor moon fic. Usagi and Rei. NC-17. Okay, I get it. Usagi and Rei are going to discover lesbianism at a Tori Amos concert. What's next? The Sailor Senshi go to Lilith Fair, where they can hold hands and synchronize their ovulations?

I laughed until I cried.

When I had regained my composure, I clicked the link.

The fic is overall well-written, but the plotting and characterization and the glaring detail mismatches really drag it down. Plus it just SCREAMS "I went to a Tori Amos concert last night, and it was SO BEAUTIFUL, and now I'm going to write a fic about my favorite anime characters going to one too!"

Let me also state at the outset that I'm quite familiar with the Sailor Moon world (what? I'm a girl, I watch anime, we all started somewhere! ^_~) and I don't object to the Usagi/Rei pairing. In fact, I've read some fics about that pairing that I thought were rather poignant since, really, Rei is both canonically too proud to admit when she likes someone (Yuuichiro) and would be quite aware that anything she wanted to do with Usagi would be derailed by the whole Mamoru/Chibi-Usa/Crystal Tokyo thing. So it's not an "ewww, gross, yuri!" thing. I like well-written fic of all types!

And it's not an "ew, gross, porn!" thing either. You all know what I'm capable of reading without batting an eyelash. ^_~

Raye is sleeping in, and Serena (I realized that this fic was based on the North American dub of Sailor Moon, which I guess just proves that the archivist is up on her Sailor Moon?) comes to wake her up. It's reasonably in-character; Serena's whiny and perky, and Raye's grumpy but secretly doesn't dislike Serena as much as she pretends to.

The shrill greeting cuts through my head like a knife. Resolving to myself never to drink that much again, I slowly open one eye. "Go away, Serena. I'm sleeping." I pull the blanket over my head.
"Nuh-uh! If you were, you wouldn't be talking to me, would you?" Her weight settles on the bed.

Raye's grandpa sent Serena to wake up Raye, because they have a wedding to wake up at 5:00 pm. Then the Cosmic Yuri-Tron zaps this fic, and we get:

That's enough of that. Now, get up!" Serena boldly rips the blanket from me. I'm glad I hadn't slept nude, as I often do on warm nights. The white cotton tank top and bikini don't cover much, and I feel myself blush. I don't know why. She's seen me transform hundreds of times, and I've seen her. That's Mars and Moon, though, not Raye and Serena. It shouldn't make a difference, but it does.
"Oops!" Her gaze lingers for a moment too long, probably just curiosity.

I keep seeing the screen go all wavy in my mind's eye, and Serena's eyes go blank, and she reaches for Raye's chest, intoning, "Prime Directive: Establish contact with boobus maximus..."

Serena is a bundle of joy because she and Mina are going to see TORI AMOS tonight! Where the hell are they? America? Japan? Raye's still a Shinto priestess, which I can't imagine are easy to find in North America. And she keeps saying "Oh Kami" and "For Kami's sake" - please, authors, if you want to use phrases like this, pick a language and a culture, and stick to it. DO NOT MIX AND MATCH YOUR PHRASES, OKAY?

But hey, okay. They're in North America, and are going to see a Tori Amos concert. Fair enough.

I sit up and my head reels. My stomach threatens to lose whatever is left in it. Serena sees the queasiness in my face and a look of mild concern crosses hers. "Are you okay?"

I nod quickly, instantly wishing I hadn't as the remnants of last night's binge trickle from my mouth and down the flimsy undergarments, making them see-through.

"Oh, Raye...." She makes a clicking sound with her tongue. "I thought you weren't going to drink anymore."

So, essentially Raye has just thrown up all over herself. And instead of being grossed out, Serena is disturbingly used to this scene. When did Raye become a career alcoholic? Oh, right, when the fic author got ahold of her.

Serena sighs and tsks and strips off Raye's filthy shirt and leers at Raye's huge bare breasts. I'm sorry, but I've been that drunk before, and been around people that drunk before, and nobody looks the least bit attractive once they've gotten drunk and passed out and puked all over themselves. I don't think even the Cosmic Yuri-Tron can overpower the smell and sight of vomit on your best friend's heaving bosom. I don't think Raye will be feeling the slightest bit sexy, too; if you've drunk enough to pass out, you'll still be drunk when you wake up, and the overwhelming urge will be to throw up some more. And really, throwing up on the object of your lust isn't a smooth move. This is a fact of life that many people may have learned at college parties.

Then Mina calls and delivers some bad news!

Serena's lips form an oh-so-sexy pout. "Mina can't go tonight. She's grounded for failing another Algebra test."

Suddenly she snaps her fingers. "I've got it!" she exclaims, eyes shining. "Raye, will you go with me?"

"No way." I am careful not to shake my head this time as I am still dizzy from the last time. "Her music's okay, but I hate the way she sings. She sounds like a cat being strangled."

I admit I laughed evilly at that line. I tend to agree with Raye - forgive me, Tori fans.

Serena whines that Tori's voice is TOO good, and Yuuichiro makes his appearance. Yuuichiro, for you non-Sailor-Moon-types, is the scruffy singer who has a crush on Raye and who hangs around at her Grandpa's temple learning...something...from the old man. Yuuichiro whines that Raye got drunk AGAIN, Raye tells him to shut up, Yuuichiro threatens to tell her grandpa, she says Grandpa won't believe it, and then Yuuichiro threatens to tell Raye's DAD. This pisses off Raye in a hurry.

As I recall vaguely, Raye/Rei's dad is a politician or something who basically dumped his kid with her grandfather. He's distant, and never visits her, but that's all we know about him.

When you were young, did you ever have those little capsules you'd throw into hot water and they'd turn into sponge animals? Characters tend to do similar things when dumped into fanfic. Now Raye's absent politician father has become an abusive jerk who slaps his daughter around when she gets arrested for being drunk and disorderly and burning a building down. She nearly breaks his arm for it. This is just gratutious, you ficcers! Being abandoned by a parent is enough to screw up a person, why add the unnecessary spice that he's an abusive jerk too? And besides, with the way Raye's behaving, she needs a good smack upside the head.

So Serena tells Raye to git her ass into the private bathroom and take a shower, accompanied by playful spanks that Raye feels all the way into the shower. Holy crap, Serena must have been putting her entire arm behind the spanks.

Serena: Tee hee, Raye! Go wash up! *Ker-WHACK!*
Raye: *is knocked ass over heels* Oh, you! <3
Serena: Hmmm...I don't think that this is any sort of punishment at all. *SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!*
Raye: A------hhhhh! *orgasms juicily all over the place*
Serena: You like this, don't you, Tandi? I mean, Raye? *SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!*
Raye: Yes, Chibi-Usa...I mean, Serena!
LD: I hope they don't bring in the damn dog in this fic.


Again, I'm really confused where they are, America or Japan. This is a regular American bathroom with a shower stall and shower curtain and all that. The one private bathroom I remember in Japan had a giant tub, and the shower was just a shower head above the bare floor next to the tub, so you could shower and get into the tub. No curtains or anything. So...they are still in North America.

Raye is showering, and the nice hot water and the cool shower tiles make her so horny, so, forgetting her COMPLETELY NAUSEATED DRUNKEN STATE and the way she SMELLS OF VOMIT, she starts going into "me so horny" mode. That usually happens soon after you START drinking, not after you've slept it off and thrown up and are still nauseated. When you're nauseated, you aren't horny! Really!

Serena "accidentally" walks into the bathroom in search of a tissue and is peeking through the curtain, so Raye decides to give her a cheap show. So we have generic Skinemax softcore antics, probably accompanied by bad sax music. Raye poses and scrubs her nipples, and she hears Serena panting, and it's all rather silly. She asks if Serena can scruuuub her baaaaack, and Serena complies, since her Prime Directive has kicked in again.

Serena: BOOBS...BOOBS...BOOBS...
Raye: *coyly* Did you say something? *arches her back, licks her lips*
Serena: BOOBS... uh, oh, nothing, Raye! Tee hee!

She slowly soaps my back. Her fingernail traces the red Mars sigil on my right shoulder. "Cute. When did you get that done?"
"Last week, I think."
"Another blackout?" she asks.

All right, people. When you have details like this, check them. A week-old tattoo would not be nice and clean and red and looking like it's supposed to look. When you get tattooed, you bleed (ESPECIALLY if you're drunk; who the fuck will tattoo a drunk person?). Because you bleed, you may get a nasty black scabby mess over the tattooed area for about two weeks - especially if you haven't been taking good care of the tattoo. After the scab peels off in disgusting black chunks, you see the tattoo as it's meant to look, assuming you didn't screw it up, like drunken Raye is likely to have. So right now, imagine Serena touching a flaking black scab instead of a cute red tattoo.


Then we find out that Raye's been a drunken whorebag, and she's already banged Yuuichiro while she was drunk and then told him to fuck off, and he's rather hurt by this treatment, unsurprisingly. Serena scrubs Raye's back and scratches her scalp, and this makes the me-so-horny Raye have an orgasm on the spot. This time it's romaaaaaantic and plotful instead of gratutious lesbian orgies, but doesn't this insta-orgasm, insta-horny nonsense remind you of those other bad yuri fics? But I guess it's more romantic in any fic involving a girl, het or yuri, to have this instead of "s/he worked on her for fifteen minutes to half an hour."

The me-so-horny Raye. Is that like the Tickle-Me-Elmo?

(Man, I have horrible visions of what would be in a Ficbitches CafePress store...)

So anyways, Raye gets out of the shower, miraculously less drunk, and the air is nippy, if you know what I mean, and she prances about in a bathrobe while Serena picks out her slinky dress for the Tori concert tonight.

I go to my dresser and take out my clothes for the day: tight black jeans and a turquoise cropped tank top, the better to show off my tattoo and figure. I drop my robe to the floor. Serena makes no effort to turn her face, her eyes roaming over me, devouring me. I slip on red satin panties decorated with black lace...a g-string, really. I hear her breath catch from behind me as I shift my hair, giving her a clear view as I adjust it between my asscheeks. One leg at a time I pull on my jeans, wiggling slightly to get them over my hips.


And seriously, can you imagine Raye Hino - or Hino Rei, whatever - Sailor Mars, you know - dressing in a revealing outfit meant to show off her huge boobs and cute ass? And that cute flaking scab on her shoulder? And a red satin g-string? Seriously, when I was reading this passage, I was reminded of that passage from the Babysitters' Club fic that Pink Freak reviewed:

Stacey wearing a white bustier and a baby blue long skirt looked sensational, She’d got a bit of lipgloss on, And some mascara but that was it. Claudia who had been to hair salon, had finally managed to persuade her mum and dad for purple, Pink and blue highlights in her black hair. She looked fabulous. She’d wore a strapless back dress, And left her hair down, Which had also been cut in to her shoulders. She’d worn purple lipfinity and black mascara.

Mary- Anne had worn a cute pink clingy dress, and Dawn had worn a hot pink boob tube, With a black long skirt.

So, Raye puts on her boob tube and her lipfinity, and Serena starts short-circuiting again, and after helping Raye not get her hair caught in the skintight jeans, she runs off screaming, presumably torn between her Prime Directive and um....lord, who knows. Raye runs after her, she can't catch her because she's too hungover, she collapses weeping in the courtyard with a bloody foot from the sharp stones. It's angsty, blah blah blah.

Okay, I would like to state this for once and for all:


Phew. Yuuichiro carries her inside, and is very kind to her despite her sobbing and bleeding and turquoise boob tube. Wait, make that "because of" her turquoise boob tube. Raye sleeps for a while, and then wakes up and has a little heart-to-heart with Yuuichiro, who warns her to stay sober tonight for Serena's sake. Somehow Mr. Clueless has grasped that Raye wants to have meaningless sex a wonderful relationship with Serena, and is supportive, because he knows how it is to love someone you think won't ever love you back. Now, personally, I'm waiting for him to "be noble," hook Serena and Raye up, set up some hidden cameras, and split the profits with Grandpa Hino.

Raye gets dressed...

I peel off my tank top and toss it into my clothes hamper, followed by my jeans, both sweat-soaked from my nap. For at least a minute I stand nearly naked, staring at the dress Serena has picked out. It has a halter neck and will show any bra I dare to wear. I decide against wearing one finally and slip it on. Looking in the full-length mirror I turn, and realize just how low the back is. It dips to a point just below my waist and (thankfully) just above my g-string. After wondering whether or not it will show, an evil thought insinuates itself in my mind and the g-string is flung into the hamper as well.

Wait just one damn second. Raye "Huge Boobs" Hino is going braless? Every FicBitch I've mentioned this to has had the same thought I did:

Raye: My saggy granny tits will really turn Serena on!
Serena: Wow, they reach your knees!

My best guess of the largest your boobs can be and still be able to go out in public without a bra is a B. You can possibly get away with a small C-cup if the fabric's thick and you have a sort of support built into the dress, but any larger, and you SAG and you JIGGLE. It's really obvious. I'm sorry. (I personally haven't had B-cups since I was 13...*sigh*)

Serena runs in, and she's all sparkle-princess for her BIG TORI AMOS CONCERT. Sparkles, glitter, ribbons, pacifier, glowstick, the works. Raye stares at her and daydreams about rugmunching, since she's going out sans underclothing and the fresh air on her hoo-hah is making her into me-so-horny Raye again. Hmm, I don't know, the word "netherlips" sounds like the name of some comic book villain.

Netherlips laughed maniacally, raised his blaster, and said, "You have not even BEGUN to suffer, fools!"


As we slip on our shoes Grandpa enters. "Going out again, Rei-chan?" he asks me in his native tongue, using the Japanese pronunciation of my name.

"Yes, Ojii-chan. I won't be out late," I reply in English. My Japanese isn't the greatest, and with my head full of... other things, I'm in no mood to try.

...okay, where are they again? How can she be a Shinto priestess if her Japanese 'isn't the greatest'? How can she help with wedding ceremonies, use ofuda, you know, everything! It just seems incredibly strange that Raye's Japanese is shitty. Why not just keep her bilingual? We already know she wants to learn another tongue....er, I'm sorry, that was terrible. I'll stop. Grandpa Hino slips her some payment cash, and the two girls head off to the Tori Amos concert.

A crowd is already forming when we arrive. It seems to be made up of mostly girls, with the only guys being a few that were dragged along. In an effort to distract myself from Serena I check out a few other girls. One of them notices and winks. I blush. She smiles and saunters over. Her green crushed velvet shirt and black leggings hug her large, but pleasing, figure. I can't help but make a mental comparison to Lita, as they share height and coloring.
"Is this your first Tori concert?" she asks.
I nod. "I was dragged here against my will. She's the fan." I indicate Serena with a jerk of my head.
The woman briefly glances at Serena and a strange look crosses her face. She leans forward and whispers in my ear: "When you tire of girls and you're ready for a woman, give me a call." Her hot breath caresses my ear as she presses a scrap of paper into my hand.
I let the paper flutter to the ground.
The chestnut-haired woman stares at the paper, then looks me in the eye. "You don't know what you're missing...but like opportunity, I only knock once." She gives Serena a dirty look and turns on her heel, stalking indoors.
We notice the crowd is thinning and decide to go inside as well. We find our seats occupied by two drunk guys who immediately hit on us. "Oh, I don't think my girlfriend will let me be with any guys," Serena purrs, clinging to my arm and leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Well, we can always make it a foursome," one of the guys slurs.
"No, we can't," I say, giving a menacing glare. As drunk as they are, they wisely decide not to press the issue and vacate our seats.

I have very few words for this. Never having been to a Tori Amos concert, I can't say if this is a typical concert experience, filled with chickenhawking lesbians and dumb drunken phallo-oppressors fratboys. I still wanted to giggle at Raye and Serena's twoo wub being tested by both women and men. The next large chunk of fic was pretty much a concert recap, filled with Tori song lyrics and gushing descriptions of Tori and what she said and did and how the crowd was eating it all up. All the songs she sang deeply affected Raye, because they were ALL ABOUT HER AND SERENA! OH MY GOD! Serena starts bumping and grinding, and me-so-horny Raye is weeping, and finally Raye snaps and runs out of the arena, her sparkling tears floating after her, I presume. Serena runs out to comfort her, they make out, and Serena declares her love for Raye. The end.

The writing in this fic isn't bad at all, and I have no doubt that this author could turn out good fics. But again we're dealing with decent writers who can't plot or characterize. There are a LOT of fanficcers like this, even fairly famous ones in fandom. Readers get so distracted by the fact that the writing is technically decent and there are some nice descriptions and an occasional good character insight that they ignore the fact that there WAS no real plot, or that the rest of the characterization and backstory was questionable at best. Just because it's slash or yaoi or yuri doesn't mean that you can't write a story that's interesting BESIDES which sets of genitals are mashing together. Or that you can't keep the characters acting and thinking in a recognizable fashion. This fic's Raye sort of rings right at times, but at other times, I was thinking, "alcoholic tattooed arsonist Raye with an abusive father, what the hell..." Remember what I said about ANGST and ROMANCE? That's right. This fic, despite the presence of a "plot" and "romance," doesn't have much more weight than your standard "MAI SHIRANUI BANGS ATHENA ASAMIYA" yuri fic.

I know ficcers that actually have pages and pages of plot notes and a plot outline before they start writing. It both amazes me and gives me hope for their fic.

It's hard to write a plot where the characters do things you've never done in places you've never been, but just transplanting them wholesale into your life and making them do things you've done - like going to a Tori Amos concert and not knowing jack about Japanese despite being Japanese - is BAD.

Besides, come ON. Two girls discovering true lesbian love at a Tori Amos concert. I'm surprised it's not a Melissa Etheridge concert. Sheesh. I'll tell ya what I want to see. I want to see Mamoru and Motoki - er, Darien and Andrew - go to a Morrissey concert and discover their true love for each other while swaying back and forth to Morrissey songs. That's beautiful and meaningful too, isn't it?

o/~ Because you're just so busy, busy busy, busy scissors, OH, OH, HAIRDRESSER ON FIRE!!!! o/~
Darien: Andrew...I love you!
Andrew: Oh, Darien!

"The Sailor Senshi go to Lilith Fair, where they can hold hands and synchronize their ovulations?"

I'm reminded of http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp03032002.html ^_-

hahahaha XD

Shit, dude. I love your reviews. This one made sparkling clear grape juice pussy cum drip from my netherlips. Let me tell you. I was enthralled.

PS: I would bang Chad any day over Serena. >D

How strange, that just made me notice that Chad/Yuuichiro was the only one keeping his Japanese name.

Is it proper Japanese to say things like "Oh my Kami! For Kami's sake!" and all that other silliness? ?_?

Nope. (Anonymous) Expand

What kind of a pansy are you?!

Morrissey? Why not straight up Erasure?

One with a limited imagination, I suppose.

Fine, fine, Erasure, Depeche Mode, Morrissey, Pet Shop Boys, any of the above will do. I would giggle if I found a fic like that. Someone! Find me a fic where a male character discovers his latent homosexuality because of one of the above bands!

She orgasms from a scalp-scrubbing?

Apparently she was using a little too much Herbal Essences, methinks.

Re: She orgasms from a scalp-scrubbing?


Now I'm seeing Serena and Raye in one of those commercials.

Normally, that wouldn't be so bad, but I hate those commercials. ^_^;;

I really wish this person would decide which fuggen version of Sailormoon they're writing the fic about. The use of Yuuichiro instead of Chad.. but yet they say "Serena and Raye".. is that a weird preference or what?! o__o; And you can't tell me that Raye (and I'm sure the author as well)'s bad Japanese makes it that difficult to write "Usagi" and "Rei". Yeez.

And.. this may be nitpicky, but if she's a fuggen Shinto priestess, wouldn't it be considered sacreligous to go around saying "Kami-sama"? Surely... the late drummer of Malice Mizer doesn't eclipse the religion she's devoted most of her life to..? I guess I'm a little surprised that someone who actually knows who Kami is is not only writing Sailormoon yuri fics, but doesn't insist on being stupidly fangirlish..

And really.. there is no accounting for taste. With as gorgeous and sophistocated as Rei is... she'd be much better suited for someone else because I think it's not just the bitch who disapproved of Usagi's appearance who would think them sort of a weird-ass pairing. I've personally never ever seen what could be so great about those two together.. and I still don't. *shrugs*

And as for the "duuuuhhh, what country do I live innnn?!?!1" thing, that's just adding to the confusion. I think in this case, it may have just been better for the author to toss out the pretense of writing a fic and just cut straight to the sex, because to me it seems that she found herself becoming rather impatient and losing credibility.

So weird.

And.. this may be nitpicky, but if she's a fuggen Shinto priestess, wouldn't it be considered sacreligous to go around saying "Kami-sama"? Surely... the late drummer of Malice Mizer doesn't eclipse the religion she's devoted most of her life to..? I guess I'm a little surprised that someone who actually knows who Kami is is not only writing Sailormoon yuri fics, but doesn't insist on being stupidly fangirlish..

The word in Japanese for "God" is "kami."

The problem in this fic is not the name of Malice Mizer's drummer being taken in vain, but the more common issue of fangirl Japanese being used. Why not just say "god"? No Japanese person's going to think "For kami's sake!" no matter how poor their Japanese is. It has been suggested before that people pick a language and stick to it.

Leather Daddy, I want you to know that this is quite possibly one of the VERY BEST reviews in the whole history of Ficbitches I have ever seen, and that I am so totally adding it to my "Memories" section because it is THAT good.

Anyway, aside from finding your comparisons (or generalizations?) of the tendencies of what boy-authored and girl-authored yuri porn are like to be both utterly hilarious (I see our author friend from "Chocobo Nights" STILL uses "thung" there... *ROFL*) and spot-on, and finding the light jab at Tori fans to be really funny*, and loving both the "holding hands and ovulating together" and "Skinemax" (Yay! It's the first time I've heard someone else aside from my friend calling it that. XD) comments, then you topped it all off by speaking the following truth:

The writing in this fic isn't bad at all, and I have no doubt that this author could turn out good fics. But again we're dealing with decent writers who can't plot or characterize. There are a LOT of fanficcers like this, even fairly famous ones in fandom. Readers get so distracted by the fact that the writing is technically decent and there are some nice descriptions and an occasional good character insight that they ignore the fact that there WAS no real plot, or that the rest of the characterization and backstory was questionable at best.

HOO BOY, can I think of a pretty good number of these! For example, remember that story I turned in for the scavenger hunt? She has fairly well-known site collective, and while I haven't read any of her other fics, I DID check out her "World Guide" section (with the intention of seeing if her fics were something that I would be interested in reading) that details what her and her brother's interpreation of the Slayers characters and universe are like, and I have to say that I must sincerely disagree with the greater majority of her views.

Now, I entriely accept that it's her opinion and she's entitled to it just like I am to mine, but personally, I really, REALLY dislike how everything about the Slayers universe almost completely revolves around/hinges upon Lina and Zelgadis, both as themselves and in their ancestry. It's like, save for those canon relatives that are already formidable/famous themselves (Luna and Rezo), they aren't allowed to have have much of a NORMAL ancestry.

Maybe it's just me, but I find that to DETRACT from Lina and Zelgadis as characters: Personally, I've always felt that they are likely from very ordinary backgrounds (Save for the aforementioned two relatives - hell, the Gourry side-story from the novels kind of hints that Lina's father is a man with a very sharp mind but only slightly above-average fighting skills, a lot of which he picked up from his own daughters, but is otherwise quite average.), and that, had they not possessed the talents they have, they would've lived out their lives as very ordinary people (if a bit quirky, but everyone has quirks). And it's precisely this (perceived) "normal-ness" that makes them so special to me.

So yeah, while I think her writing style is fairly decent, and I think it's great that she and her brother went the extra mile in their efforts in detailing and fleshing out their interpretation of the Slayers world, I still totally cannot agree that their stuff is all that it's hyped up to be, and feel like people are being distracted from the actual content because the writing technique is better than 80% of the dreck you find out there and because they often feature pairings that are really popular with some people (i.e. Lina x Zel, a pairing that I don't like much at all, but I certainly don't begrudge anyone's like of), and too many freakin' fans have this tendency of liking anything that features their "pet" couples, regardless of the quality.

But hey, I'm a fan and I have my personal biases/opinions like everyone else, so what do I know?

< /rant >

[cont., because I reached the word limit the first time - good god I talk a lot x_x]

I know ficcers that actually have pages and pages of plot notes and a plot outline before they start writing. It both amazes me and gives me hope for their fic.

Ditto. I have a few notes/general outlines for a Gaav x Val story idea that's been hounding me for several years now (Didn't finally set it down in writing until a couple of months ago.). Hopefully now that I've got the general idea of where I want to go with this out of the system, it'll keep trying to flesh itself out. And if I ever actually go ahead and write the fic, I can only hope that I can do the idea justice - I think it's a decent concept, and while I believe I have passable storytelling skills, I don't know if my (nonexistent) fictional writing technique will be up to par. :\

Anyway, again, much love and praise for this review. It's exactly what makes Ficbitches updates worth reading for me. :)

*[I kinda like her, actually. My friend who's a bigger Tori fan than me tells me that nothing after the From the Choirgirl Hotel album has been particularly good, though. And I trust his judgement - I didn't like that album anywhere close to as much as the old ones.]


Truly, this was one of my favorite parts of the review. Excellent work, LD!

It was really weird to me how casually the author seemed to deal with Raye's drinking. I mean, yeah, she did give us the whole "Oh, promise to stop drinking for Serena's sake" bit, but Serena and Raye talking about a tattoo Raye received during an alcohol-induced blackout was bizarro--"Hey, this is cute!" "Yeah, I got it during that one when I woke up a mile away from home, with no clothes, covered in blood and vomit!" "Oh, you're so silly, tee hee!"

Also, 's'funny, if she's using Yuuichiro/Chad's Japanese name, it's worth noting that in that incarnation, he's not a musician at all, just a random bum.

Actually, I have a friend who's on every drug in the book, and we've reached that point.

Him: *covers nose, reaches for tissue*
Me: *hands over tissue* Is that a cocaine nose-bleed?
Him: *like a kid in trouble* Yeah.
Me: *long-suffering sigh*

Heh...I read that once. ^^; I didn't find it TOO horrible, but...well, I KNOW the author has written better stories than that before. Though her characterization of Rei kinda bugs me...she isn't a drunk in the other fics, but in one or two of em she's a depressed slut, or suicidal and whiny...least in some of em it's over Usagi and NOT some guy. :P

Oh god, that was the hardest I've laughed at a Slap to the Head review in a while. Not to say the rest aren't great, but this one was way up there. The whole "Prime Directive" thing had me cracking up.

"Going out again, Rei-chan?" he asks me in his native tongue, using the Japanese pronunciation of my name.

Err, ok, sometimes my Japanese pronunciation isn't all that great(for I refuse to fling it around like a Pocky-addicted JP fangirl), but isn't "Rei" and "Raye" pronounced the same way? O_o

More or less, although there's some difference between the English "R" and the Japanese sound represented by "R"... still, there's something really confusing about this. Why has Rei/Raye Anglicized her name for America? Is she supposed to be Japanese-American, or what? Man, this fic is geographically and linguistically confused.

This is incredible.

The review, that is. The fic is... incredible too, I guess, but in its own scary special way! Though I must agree that there are worse out there. This fic doesn't kill, thank goodness. :)

Also, if I could control the Internet, I'd make it so anyone who opens their internet browser is FORCED to see that that "Just because x is x doesn't mean it's meaningful" quote BEFORE they allowed to surf ANYWHERE. I'd even put referrer code in every page. ^_^

Great job.

(...anyone know where I can buy me a Cosmic Yuri-Tron?)

But. But. O_O

Seeing as everyone else has said everything else I thought about the fic, the question that my mind is screaming: the author was FEMALE? And doesn't know orgasm isn't instantaneous (and during a hangover)?! But. But - she was FEMALE?!

And doesn't know braless + BOOBS = pain?

... I'm terrified. O_O;; Please tell me it was just a sneaky, lying guy-author.

- Valentine Angel
(*babbles, traumatized*)

I think maybe she might have been a bit of an person who wanted to try and show off how 'cool' she was (Raye drinking, the tattoo, the deep n' meaningful chats with Yuuichirou and Serena, the showers etc) without actually having had much experience in these areas to speak from.

I don't know about boobs and braless equaling pain - it all depends on how big your breasts are and stuff like that.

But yes, it was a fairly silly fic as far as the author couldn't seem to make up their mind whether to use Japanese or American canon. And using "Japanglish" only makes things worse. I don't mind if people add honorifics (like -san or -chan) or if they use the occasional "Ne?" or suchlike, but anything more is just painful.

Jen / Quoth the Raven

Re: But. But. O_O (Anonymous) Expand

The Big Thread about Stuff

That's descriptive, isn't it? Well, here's where you can post your own descriptions of how people act during stupid drunken rampages, getting tattoos, having big boobs...and I guess sexual hijinks, if you really really feel like sharing. I guess this might help ficcers?


I don't get drunk very often at all, a couple times a year at most, but when I do, it's usually extremely memorable. (My friends get great blackmail material out of it.) Your tolerance depends on your size, experience, blah blah, but the thing is, the more you drink, the less you notice the taste of what you're drinking. So, for example, on your third or fourth or fifth beer, you'll barely notice the taste whether you like it or not.

As for how MUCH one can drink - I've drunk an entire bottle of 80 proof alcohol in one sitting - that's 18-20 shots. (Kids, don't try this at home!) But I was extremely incoherent, went to sleep very quickly, and felt ill for about 24 hours afterwards. Yeah, I had to throw up when I woke up about 12 hours later, and felt nauseated almost all day. So if you want your characters to pass out, that's a legit amount. If you want them to still be awake enough to be frisky, I'd stick with 5, 6, 7 shots. As for beer and much less potent alkeehol, I'm not sure, since I have less experience, but I think four to six beers is the max you can expect someone to handle and still be able to do anything but sleep. Alcohol makes you SLEEPY. If you want characters to be having crazy monkey sex0r while drunk, the one who's less drunk is more likely to be seme, it seems to me.

Maudlin vs. happy drunks: Um, there are both? I don't think that you can really tell by a person's sober personality what they're like when they're drunk; you'd be surprised. I've seen violent drunks and really maudlin confessional drunks; I'm a really happy drunk who's friendly and huggy and giggly, it seems. You don't necessarily hiccup and slur your words; you might even be able to sound coherent, although incredibly stupid stuff is coming out of your mouth. (And you'll think you're being profound, too.) After a while, you start losing coordination and stumbling around like a moron. As far as I can remember, the world looks kind of fuzzy and glowing and warm when I'm drunk, but that could just be me. You're may forget exactly what you said and did when you were drunk, but unless you're really, really drunk, it's most likely to be fuzzy, incomplete memories, not a complete blackout.

How's that? Does that sound like your experiences, readers? Hopefully these details will be useful to any of you ficcers out there who are clever enough not to do things like this. ^_~

Re: The Big Thread about Stuff

I'm not any sort of hardcore body-modification specialist or expert, but hey, I have a tattoo, so this is what it's like. In the US, at least, good places refuse to tattoo drunks and 16-year-olds and drunken 16-year-old mikos. The skin's cleaned off, disinfected, shaven completely, then they tattoo. Depending on where it is, it may hurt more or less. It hurts about like a beesting, or getting scratched hard with a needle, obviously. So not OVERWHELMING PAIN, but not really that easy to ignore. The outlines of the design hurt more than the coloring-in. Afterwards the tattoo is rubbed with A&D or something, bandaged up, and you're sent home with instructions to keep it clean and apply A&D/unscented lotion multiple times a day to keep it moist. You take off the bandage in two hours, wash it with soap and water, and start applying lotion. You'll bleed a varying amount, but not copiously; you may or may not scab over, depending on how much you bled and how moist you kept the tattoo for the next coupla weeks. If you scab badly, you may lose color in your tattoo and need it touched up.

One: BRA. BRA BRA BRA. YOUR BRA IS YOUR FRIEND, EVEN WHEN IT TREATS YOU BADLY. Your boobs are subject to gravity, no matter how much you may wish otherwise, so a bra is kind of a must when you're out in public. Without a bra, you'll just sag embarrassingly when walking, and the bouncing can HURT LIKE HELL if you decide to run. Big boobs are like several-pound weights strapped to your chest, so your shoulders and back and neck may hurt.

Of course, we're usually talking anime, so these things don't ever really matter, but come on, at least give the poor girl a bra! XD

Um...that's all I can think of. Hope my limited life experiences can be of use to some ficcer! :D

Goddammit, this fic must DIE!!!!!

Stuff like this gives IRL lesbians and bi-sexuals a bad name. I should know; I'm bi, and scared to tell my IRL friends because of some of the things they've said after reading some of this crap.

Result: I am unhappy, unable to get a date of EITHER gender because half my friends think I'm a lesbian and the other half think I'm straight, and terrified of a random family member discovering my diary.

If I ever meet the person who wrote this, they're going to get a napalm enema.

- Sin-chan.

Re: Goddammit, this fic must DIE!!!!!

>>Stuff like this gives IRL lesbians and bi-sexuals a bad name. I should know; I'm bi, and scared to tell my IRL friends because of some of the things they've said after reading some of this crap.<<

Because everyone knows that the BEST place for info is fanfiction. And it's not like your friends could possibly be, ya know, joking or anything.

I mean when my family made fun of the awful, AWFUL move Starship Troopers it was because we had a deep loathing for Giant Space Insects that farted fire. That and nothing else. It wasn't cause the writing and acting were bad, the characters annoying and the plot stupid. Nope it was hatred for the Space Bugs.

>>Result: I am unhappy, unable to get a date of EITHER gender because half my friends think I'm a lesbian and the other half think I'm straight, and terrified of a random family member discovering my diary.>>

Actually it sounds like you're unhappy because you can't be honest with yourself, you don't know WHAT you want, and you're judging your friends by their reactions to BAD FANFICTION.


That was God-awful...

Men suck...