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Why I hate RP fics

J-ROCK :: Gessekai

Reviewed by Gunstar Heroine w/ assistance from Leather Daddy

PLOT: 1/5 (Generic Vampire Slashfic #38539)
CHARACTERIZATION: 0/5 (You DO realize that since this is RPS, the people involved can sue for misrepresentation, right?)
WRITING: 3/5 (Would be exponentially better if she would dump the damn fangirl Japanese. And use fewer commas.)

Imagine all the obnoxious tendencies of certain anime fans to scream over favorite characters/couplings (and flame those who disagree), use lots of ignorant fan Japanese, and think up completely insipid and nonsensical plotlines. But instead of anime characters in a fictional world, these fics now involve REAL PEOPLE. Well, real people who sometimes have an onstage persona, but real people nonetheless.

Welcome to the hell that is J-Rock fanfiction.

I have to admit - I have a VERY strong personal dislike of fiction based on real people, be it fanfics, comics, whatever. Writing stories about characters who don't actually exist is fine in anyone's book, but when you start writing about actual living, breathing personalities, you open up a whole new can of worms, both figuratively and legally. The fact that actual human beings are involved makes for some really uncomfortable reading:

- Real people doing things they would never ever do in real life, i.e. Eminem slash.
- Mary Sues taking their teenage fantasies to sickening levels. No, Miss Sue, we really DO NOT CARE about you-, er, your original character's orgy with all the members of Linkin Park.
- Excessive vitriol aimed by the author at real people, channeled through a fic. Usually to some famous personality's significant other.

Every time I see some of these sort of fics, I have to wonder, "What if this person/their family/friends/employer/shoe polisher saw this? What would they think?" This sentiment of mine was echoed when somebody posted a particularly awful Monkees fic on marysues, and then commented she was deathly afraid of Monkees badfic because she was indeed related to one of them. So in short, I think real person fics are very disturbing in several ways, and I fully understand why took them down. That's just me, of course. You (along with some of the other bitches) may or may not agree.

Both Leather Daddy and I are huge fans of the J-Rock band Buck-Tick. The thought of B-T fic makes us wary to begin with, and when we began reading this one, we realized what a world of pain we had been inducted into.

It's not just the RPS which makes this fic bad. It's decently written but about as uninspiredly generic as slash fics come. I don't really dig slash/yaoi to begin with, so it needs to be unique or well done to hold my interest. This held my interest, all right, but simply because there were assorted annoyances scattered throughout, and I was becoming more and more irritated as I went through it. So much, in fact, I managed to pry myself away from PS2 VF4Evo work long enough to write this review.) The RPS factor just compounded it, and the wholly offensive and tasteless way this author used real-life deaths of famous/semi-famous j-rock figures to progress her narrative is, frankly, disgusting.

Leather Daddy: Ewwwww, RPS AND deathfic?
LD: all in one?
Gunstar Heroine: yes.
LD: dude, you do not do these things to buck-tick.
LD: not while I'm around.

First off, my thoughts on J-Rock. I quite like the stuff, myself. However, I don't think all of it is the beat music ever composed. Just like any other genre of music, there's a range of works from excellent stuff to uninspired crap. I have a few bands I am fond of, and follow the exploits of them and their members. I am, however, afraid of some of the more freakish fans - you know, the ones who think that visual kei is the most beautiful form of artistic expression ever and no foreign music can even TOUCH the wonders which J-Rock has to offer. And OMIGOD THE GUYS ARE SOOOOO HOT!!!!!!!!! (Folks - I don't care how pretty the guys are. If the music sucks, so does the band as a whole. But if they are good-looking and make great music... well, that's just an added bonus ^_-)

I generally try to avoid any sort of J-rock fiction because of the aforementioned aversion to real person fic, as well as that general mindset of some of the genre's more vocal fans. (Raise your hand if you've ever read something like this on a J-Rock page: "OMIGOD!!!!!!!! Die-chama is SOOOOOOOOO KAWAIIIIIIIIII in this pic!!!!!!! *____* And BISHIE SUGIZO!!!! I WANT HIM IN MY ADOPT-a-J-ROCKER HAREM!!!!!") I came across this while looking up some information on a band I had recently listened to a bit of, and so many things about it got to me that I had to put it up here.

Anyways, on to the review of "Gessekai." I sent this to Leather Daddy after I read it, and I think it has the honor of being one of few fics that have truly broken her. We had amusing chat about it while she was first reading it. Bits and pieces will be posted throughout.

GH: Yes.
* LD weeps
LD: there are some things that hurt even me.

This fic is an AU. Er, well, I really hope it was intended to be an AU, because if not, J-Rock fanatics are even scarier than I first thought. It takes place in modern-day Japan and has a bunch of references to actual places, bands, and activities, but it also involves sex and vampires. Thus far, the story consists of three parts. I think it's been abandoned for a while, which is one of the few things it has going for it. The cast of characters are members from various J-Rock groups. Well, they're supposed to be, anyway, but instead of keeping their actual distinct personalities intact, they have been assigned stereotypes you have more than likely seen if you've read any other slash involving vampires:

Atsushi Sakurai, from Buck-Tick. A cynical J-Rockin' closet vampire who becomes carnally obsessed with his beautiful young prey. He them promptly inducts him into "the life", all while screwing him silly.
Ryutaro, from Plastic Tree. Girly uke and newly-undead who is eternally devoted to Atsushi after receiving the wonderful gift of vampire blood through the mouth and soulbonding cement through the ass.
Yukari from (the former) Basier, requisite angster who Ryutaro kills (after boinking him, of course) to relieve him of his worldly pain.
Plus various other cameos, including your friend and mine, Camui Gackt!

POV is one of this fic's biggest issues, and it's problematic from the beginning. Every part of this story starts from a different character's viewpoint, which changes without warning and is highly disorienting. Part 3 even has not one, not two, but THREE POV changes mid-fic. In the case of part 1, we don't find out who's talking until torwards the end. Great way to establish characterization, there. (Although not mentioning a character's name, but still characterizing them IS possible - I think back to when we read Rebecca in high school English class as an example. Still, when your fic is based on ESTABLISHED characters/personalities, attaching a NAME helps, don't you think?)

Okay, so, part 1! The first chunk of the fic tries to establish just how Atsushi came to be a vampire (a one-night stand) and how he makes his life in the mortal realm as a J-Rock musician. Being a vampire is harder that it seems, so he tells us that everything we know about vampires is a total lie. Gasp! Such misinformation must be a conspiracy of the living!

LD: s, so....atsushi is...a vampire....

The decades that followed saw the rise of
the band whose vocalist I decided to become.
Intrigued by our ... MY...influence, the hapless
mortals bought our records in innumerable
amounts ~ amounts that staggered the
band's producer and the rest of the band.

Because we all know the rest of Buck-Tick isn't important. Atsushi's the prettiest and thus the only one worthy of recognition. BTW, he was originally the DRUMMER, he just became a vocal out of necessity.

Instead of trying to "hide", I decided to play up
on the "gothic" image. I dressed in black, and
wore black makeup against deathly pale foundation.
It seemed to intrigue the fans, and it amused me no
end. If only people looked closely, they would
see that my skin was too smooth, too pale.

Actually, that smooth paleness would be the fault of the makeup. J-Rock musicians practically cake themselves in the stuff. I've got some of the B-T photobooks - trust me, Atsushi looks nowhere near as good without it.

There are so, so many wrong ideas about life in Japan in this fic. I suppose if you haven't lived there, it's hard to picture EXACTLY what things are like... but at the very least if you are setting a story in a place you haven't been to, do your homework and try to find out what daily life there really is, instead of subscribing to common stereotypes.

Let's see some examples from this chapter:

People in the streets started to dress like us
~ dark eyeliner; pale, pale makeup; long
spiked hair ~

Folks, you won't be seeing hordes of Dir En Grey lookalikes walking around a Japanese city on an average day. Sure, there are some people who do it, but it is quite rare and usually among disgruntled, disillusioned youth. Looking outrageous in public in Japan is still considered a societal taboo.

Nobody believes in vampires anymore. After
all, it is 1999 now, and beautiful boys wearing
makeup and singing "visual rock" songs are now
as common as pachinko machines...

Does this author have any idea how many Pachinko machines there are in Japan? MILLIONS. Visual Rock is nowhere even close to being as pervasive in the mainstream.

And now for something truly appaling:

In the 20 years that I've been here, I've only met
one other vampire. He was a fellow so-called "Jrocker"
like me. He was even more crazy than I, he dyed his
hair pink and went by the name of Hideto.
Then, two years ago, he told me he wanted to leave town.
I was the one who suggested that he staged a "suicide",
it would be more .....amusing....for us immortals, to watch
the humans grieve over somebody who couldn't even
die if he wanted to!


This paragraph has to be one of the most infuriating things I have yet read in fanfic. Hideto "hide" Matsumoto was indeed a real person, one of the best guitarists and talented musicians Japan had ever produced. His sudden, unexplained suicide in 1998 shocked the nation and left many fans in deep mourning. Some of his fans were so distraught that they tried to or actually committed copycat suicide themselves. This event was a very serious, very sad thing.

So what does the author do? She decides to go and trivialize the seriousness of this event to make it add some "flavor" to the plot. Um, hello? REAL PEOPLE DIED AND/OR WERE HURT HERE! Am I the only person who finds this horribly tasteless?! It is incredibly disrespectful not only to hide's memory, but to his friends, family, and all the fans who grieved for him. (Plus the whole "his death didn't REALLY happen, it was carefully orchestrated!" thing makes me think of neo-nazi fuckheads who claim the Holocaust never happened, and all the media and evidence of it existing is a Jewish conspiracy. Sickening.)

Oh wait, what's this? He just killed someone and is reflecting on it! CUE FLASHBACK!

I saw his image before I ever met him.
Months early, as I was idly flipping through an issue of SHOXX, his face
drew me in, his eyes trapping me with their innocent stare.
An innocent Jrocker? I was fascinated. I wanted to find
out what was _really_ behind that cute look of his.

"The undead secrets within the Japanese rock scene...on the next VH1 BEHIND THE MUSIC!"

I bought magazines, and even went to a few
of his band's lives. Anonymously of course, but
a few heads always swiveled in my direction ~ it was natural for
a tall, dark, Japanese man to attract attention in a room mostly
full of screaming teenage girls.

Another fangirl misconception, here. J-Rock concerts are not girls-only events. (Most of them, anyway.) A lot of these bands have male fans, too. (No, they're not gay, because - holy crap - they like the MUSIC as opposed to just the pretty-boys!) And the women there are NOT teenagers, the vast majority are women in their 20s. Dude, this is J-Rock, not N*Sync. You won't see any 16-year-olds throwing their panties at Atsushi during concert time.

Thus, with his interest (and other things) aroused, Atsushi begins stalking his uke-riffic prey. Atsushi finally encounters Ryutaro after a concert. He reflects on what an ideal weepy uke his new boy-toy will make and how much he will be able to get off from feeding on him.

LD: Beneath that cute, little-boy exterior was a man.

They go to a bar,have a nice chat and then agree to head someplace and hump each other. Ryutaro doesn't yet know that Atsushi is a vampire. Boy oh boy, is he ever gonna get a surprise!

I was surprised
to find in myself more than the usual desire...I felt, almost..
affection...for doomed, beautiful, Ryutaro. ...
As I felt him spiral towards release, he arched into my hands,
begging for more.
At that point, I realised that I ....loved him. His blind trust in me,
so sweet and innocent, I wanted to keep him with me forever...

So many fanfic writers have these insane ideas about what love is and where love comes from. Obsessing over some random J-rocker's pictures is not LOVE. It's like when you were a teenager and infatuated with a famous actor/actress - you bought magazines, books, and movies with their picures on them and would have absolutely DIED to meet them, but was there really LOVE? Or was it just an intense, fleeting fancy? Maybe even lust? I have affection for many different game characters from interacting with and playing in their personas, and I'll say that I "love" them, but do I really LOVE them in the "I want the best and will work for our mutual welfare" sense?

Also annoying is the fact that he LOVES him even though they have been socializing for, what, a couple hours? So many fanfic writers believe in the myth of love at first sight, although I don't know if it's from some sort of outrageously saccharine romantic ideal or the desire to get to the lemony bits faster. What they need to realize is that the best and most interesting relationships, both in real life and in fiction, have always been ones that took a long time to develop. Stories starting out from a couple's first meeting, to their gradually becoming acquaintances, working together, dealing with each other's difficulties and quirks, and eventually coming to the conclusion that they love each other are usually very fun and involving to read. I'm sure if you took a poll, a vast majority of intelligent readers would say they'd much rather read a long story with a developing relationship than a sappy, unrealistic "love at first sight!" plot.

So, after looking at this and a few other examples, I suppose we can file the whole "I barely know you, but I can tell we are IN LUV!" cliche next to "Semen is the glue which cements the bonds of our souls!"

All this time, I'd been fully clothed, but I quickly rectified the problem
now. I pushed him onto the bed, sending him sprawling. I crawled onto
the bed, and on top of his naked form. Crushing his body with the
weight of mine, I couldn't wait any longer. I spread his legs open
with one swift motion, and in one deep thrust violated his body.
Though he was weak, he still let out a scream as the delicate
flesh tore. I stifled his moans with my mouth, and started to
move within him. He was so tight, he had to be a virgin..

Lube? Vampires don't NEED no steenkin' lube! Oh, and I don't think Atsushi's gonna be CRUSHING anyone by being on top of them, no matter how frail and weepy.

Still... virgin? No lube? OWWWWWWWWWWWW. That description of penetration doesn't exactly sound pleasant either.

For vampires, having sex is only foreplay.
It's the taking of life that brings true ecstasy.

Remember this bit. There will be a test later.

I sank my teeth into his limp neck, bursting the
artery that was still beating erratically from his orgasm...
The taste was more than I had ever fantasized... it tasted
of strawberries and cream, of smoke and wine, of human.

You know, I don't think the author intended blood-sucking to sound this ridiculous. It's like Atsushi is eating Ryutaro Creme Pie in a good restaurant.

LD: ............
LD: yeaaaaaaaah. I'm sure.
LD: I hate it when people smell like sunny blue skies or fresh summer rain or taste like strawberries and cream.
LD: not unless he's using one of those flavored sanrio condoms...

Ryutaro goes into orgasmic death spasms, finally realizing that Atsushi is a vampire but not seeming to care about that OR THE FACT THAT HE IS DYING.

I couldn't bear the thought of him dying... In desperation, I used my nails to slash my wrist. ... I held my wrist to his mouth, practically forcing
the blood down his throat.

"Drink, Ryutaro....if you want to live forever..."

I have never seen this EXACT SAME dialogue in vampire fics before! Honest, I swear!

A sudden shiver went through me as I realised that this was exactly
what had happened 20 years before, but then I felt my lover, my child, latch onto
my wrist with his teeth, and began to suck. As he drained me of blood, I saw
his life flash by... Memories of happier times, memories of friends, family, lovers...
yet, underlying all that, was the memory of a search for...something...

His lover AND child? Um... there's potential squickiness for you. And I'm pretty goddamn sure I know what Ryutaro's searching for: The Cock that Makes Him Whole.

LD: you know how some authors seem to lock punctuation away in a bank vault, to only be used at times of dire emergency?
LD: this person saw a bulk sale on commas.
GH: Indeed.
LD: Atsushi is, confused, and he, needs, to use, commas, to express, himself!

Now on to part 2, where we switch to Ryutarou's POV.

LD: t, this fic keeps going?

I woke up to an almost unbearable light.
Blinking in the face of the new day, I stretched, truly
discovering for the first time what it felt to be alive.
Well, perhaps not _living_, but I was more aware
of everything than I'd ever been before.
It was as if I'd been viewing my entire life through a dream-filled
haze. The things that I'd
never imagined experiencing...

Becoming a vampire has freed Ryutaro from The Matrix. Or something.

LD: Surprisingly, my body didn't hurt too much, despite being dead.
LD: this is genius along the lines of "I couldn't see too much, despite being blind."

"Iie, Ryutaro, little one." His rich, husky voice spoke in my ear,
causing me to shiver. It was a voice that wrapped me in velvet
of a midnight blue so dark that it was almost black; it was like the rest of
him -- he who swallowed me whole...
"You're neither dead nor alive. My child, you know much, but you
are still young.

Look at that metaphor above. Just LOOK AT IT. Think about it a little and try to restrain from laughing.

So! Ryutaro is a full-fledged vampire now. But, it seemed to take a lot out of poor Atsushi to make him as such, and he is lying weakened it bed. (Jeezus, how much blood did Ryutaro drink?) Here the annoyance of fangirl Japanese also begins to rear its ugly head.

"Sakurai! Daijoubu ka?" My voice, which I'd always disliked for its high, girlish tone,
seemed frightened and alone in the silence of the dingy room. ...
"You won't be able to save me through body warmth, child. I need blood to restore
my strength. "
Unhesitating, I slashed my wrist, mimicking his motion the night before.
The fat red droplets fell one, then another, onto the already bloody sheets.

(I love how he even ADMITS he's a girly uke.)

This is just a starter. It gets worse. Let's see some snippets from later on:

"tenshi ja arimasen yo.... you're the chosen one...think of me simply as
the firefly who will
show you the way through the darkness..."

*Sou..... his name was Yukari?*
"Hai....sou nan' koto desu ne..."

"Drink, Sakurai...hayaku....onegai..."
He crawled into my lap, pushing his hips into mine, wrapping his arms
around my neck, offering himself
to me.

"like us? zutto, zutto, futaride issho ni iru no ka?"
I should've known better, but I melted under that hopeful, puppy-eyed look.
"hai, yakusoku da, Ryutaro, yakusoku da...."

And so on, and so on. (BTW, using "futari de" and "issho ni" in the same sentence is incredibly redundant.)

One could argue that since these guys are Japanese and sing in Japanese, that the use of JP in J-rock fic is justified. But, since the people in the fic are already talking in English 75% of the time... why not make it less jarring and annoying, and have it be ALL of the time? Besides, even when these people do speak Japanese IRL, it isn't the hideously malformed pidgin Japanese that authors so often construct knowing little more than bits and pieces gleamed from fansubs and the music they so adore.

Lots of fairly boring reflection on the recent events occurs from here on. The word "love" gets thrown around again a bit, too. Ryutaro angsts a bit that he will have to lie to his bandmates and friends about what he really is. Atsushi reassures him that they have done the right thing. I mean, REALLY reassures him.

You were meant to be one of us", he murmured. "I merely was the vessel."
One of his hands made the journey down to my belly, igniting little sparks
of desire along the way. With swift fingers he undid the buttons and slipped
his hand inside my trousers, causing me to give out an unexpected cry.
His was so cold... but I didn't care, because the desire that his
mere touch induced in me was so great, I felt as if I was about to die with
pleasure and longing. As I realised earlier, _all_ sensations were heightened
when you became a vampire. Much as I wanted to let my lover rip my clothes
off and take me right there and then, I felt that his body was icy-cold. He needed
fresh blood soon -- and that meant we had to go hunting.

LD: you know, this fic makes no sense.
LD: it says that sex == foreplay and blood-drinking == sex...
LD: so why is he all "ME SO HORNY" when atsushi primes his motor?

Atsushi decides that today is the day for Ryutaro to make his first kill so he can get his Vampire Merit Badge, or something. But first, a primer on the Vampire Code of Ethics!

"Ryutaro, you will lie to everyone you loved, in order to preserve the life that you used to lead. ... Your heart is good and pure, little one, and I would
do anything to keep it that way. Though you will kill, it is only for nourishment. Do not kill for the
sheer pleasure, or you will fall off the narrow line that we walk between the living and the dead.
Evilness is not the essense of what vampires are, we are merely another part of the cycle."
"But I just want to be with you, Sakurai!" I was surprised at my own words that had
just come out without thinking.

AWWWWWW. He's such a pure, sweet, good-hearted little fuck-doll!

After paying for the hotel room, we left the dilapidated building, heading straight
for nearby Shibuya. It was a place that I had often frequented when Plastic Tree
was just another struggling, unknown band. We -- my friends and I -- had sometimes
wandered into Mandarake, flipping through the doujinshi about Luna Sea, and X Japan
and other famous bands, joking that the day we saw a doujinshi of
ourselves in the stores was the day that we knew that we'd made it in Japan.

You know, those sort of doujin are usually kept on the girls' floor of a Mandarake. Most guys try to avoid that section, as people tend to think strangely of you when you're male and at a place where books of guys boinking each other are being prominently sold. (Hell, my very-cool-but-very-otaku JP friend, who can enjoy damn near any genre, gets all sorts of looks and whispers at stores whenever he buys shoujou stuff.) A J-Rock band probably wouldn't be caught dead looking around there. (Well, most of them, anyway.) Plus, considering the fangirls that are bound to be there, don't you think they would be recognized?

You can't look at the contents of doujin there, either. It's all pre-bagged.

As they begin their hunt, somebody tags Ryutaro on the shoulder. Gasp! BY SHEER COINCIDENCE it is his friend and bandmate Furukawa. Yes, meeting your bestest friend wandering randomly in Tokyo happens ALL THE TIME. He reminds Ryutaro that they were supposed to go to some big bash after the concert. So he lies and angsts, but Atsushi lends him some sort of psychic support. Because that's what soulbonding does, I think.

And now for something completely different:

"You are truly a vampire, Ryutaro. You will know which one is the one."
I couldn't see the source yet. Scouring the streets, I looked for him.
And then, suddenly, a flash of blond hair on the other side of the road caught my attention.
"That isn't him, Ryutaro. That was Camui. There are other beings in Tokyo
besides us. There are demons, spirits, ghosts, witches... Camui is an angel who has
lost his way and fallen to the mortal realm. I'll introduce him to you soon."

Jeezus. I've heard some hilariously crazy descriptions of Gackt from his raving, drooling horde of fangirls, and this is the first I've heard about him being literally dropped from heaven. But wait a minute, doesn't he himself claim he's a 400-year-old vampire?

(I will avoid saying any more because, as I have learned, while some J-Rock fans can be very scary, rabid drooling Gackt fanatics are BY FAR the most terrifying of the bunch. I do not want to incur their wrath.)

They detect a bar and head on in. Lo and behold! Fresh meat! Ryutaro's next kill is giving off vibes of sadness. Something happened to a companion of his, it seems, and bars are ALWAYS ideal fic locations for angst-o-ramas.

"Ryutaro desu. Hajime mashite. Anata...?" My questioning tone caught his attention.
He turned to me, and stared, as if surprised by my appearance. He was young
and beautiful, with reddish-brown hair and the trademark pale skin of a jrocker.
I could tell that in front of others, he was always the joyful one, always happy.
His mask dropped, his face radiated a sadness beautiful in its tragedy.
Yet now, taken off guard, he looked utterly lost and miserable.
I can help you, I thought. Help you end the pain that is life...

Yup. He's a croppie.

And thus, we begin Part 3.

LD: this fic is sucking the soul out of me.
LD: I hope that was the intention of the author.....because it certainly does SUCK
GH: "sucking" is a great term for use with vampire fics
LD: yes XD

This is the only part that has an intro to it. I think it speaks VOLUMES.

Author: luthien
Rating: R, bordering on NC-17 (I hope! ^___^)
Genre: Yaoi, Vampires, Angst, DEATH DEATH DEATH!! DEATH!!! you have been
Pairing: Ryutaro X Yukari , Atsushi^2, Atsushi x Ryutaro *grins* yep,
in that order,
Dedication: for mikomiko, kats, jara, and ryousuke (ANIKI! dame da!).
without them this wouldn't have ever been written.
Also for all those jrock fans out there who are willing to protect me from
the crazed Baiser fans
who will surely be after my blood after reading this.. ^^;;;;;;;aaaaaaa!!!

I'm expecting many replies for this one, OK? I wrote this one extra-long... so comment! or I won't post the Baiser side-fic that
explains Yukari's story!!!
*blatant blackmail* ^________________^

Guys, we have a winner on our hands.

First off, Yukari's POV!

I wanted to leave my life behind, to leave behind this pretence that was my
life, if only for a little while.
Sometimes, I feel that "being me"... was it worth the effort?
Even those who loved-- iya...knew me didn't always see who I _really_ was.

It's like reading TaraHGurl782's LiveJournal, or something. "I hate myself and nobody sees who I REALLY AM. I am so unloved. I want to die."

Yukari and Ryutaro then proceed to share a MEANINGFUL LOOK. You know, the one where they stare at each other so intensely that they begin to notice these really, really teensy details in each other's eyes. It's the look authors always describe right before the pair goes off to hump like bunnies.

"...let me take away your pain..." My chain of thought interrupted, I
suddenly found myself
fascinated by the graceful way words formed on his lips. I had tried to
conceal my pain from
everyone, and I had thought I had succeeded, even fooling myself...and now
this complete
stranger saw right through my defences...
I've always thought it ironic that when you're upset, it only makes it
worse if someone tries
to ask you what's wrong, or if they can do anything to help. And so now,
I couldn't seem to control the
expression on my face, and despite the makeup, I felt a solitary tear
escape and roll down my cheek.

Hey, it's that lone teardrop thing again. ARGH. Why must ukes always cry poetically? After that tear, Yukari really DOES turn into a whining teenage blogger, weeping profusely and swearing in Fangirl Japanese. But he looks up and RYUTARO IS CRYING TOO. It's a damn disease, or something.

So now we move into H/C territory as Ryutaro makes a silent, generous offer to screw away the pain.

I sensed something unusual about Ryutaro, but I never even guessed at
the truth. How could I have
been expected to know that he was a vampire? When I finally discovered the
truth, it was already too late.
Just as it had been too late to save Shai.
I watched as he hopped off the bar stool and took a step towards me. ...
Looking up at me, he held out his hand.
"Shall we go, itoshii?"
I hesitated, wondering if I should take it.
"Tell me about Shaisuke..." his soft voice broke in...
I looked at him, shocked, unable to stop the tears welling up again in my
eyes. I slid
off my seat, and looked at him, my vision blurred by the tears.


(... at least I get THAT wish.)

And now back to Atsushi. He is both happy for his little Ryutaro and jealous at the same time, cause dammit, it means someone ELSE is gonna get to do the humpty dance with him! Time to chase!

Instinctively, I knew where Ryutaro would take the drunk young man.
There's some primitive instinct with every vampire that demands that the
first kill be
consummated out in the open, under the night sky, for the heavens to bear

Well, for initiation, it sure beats getting a chocobo reaming.

There was something wrong. I'd known it from the moment I noticed
Ryutaro's tears in the bar. The cardinal rule was never to let yourself
get sucked
into the spiral those about to die inevitably create, and my greatest fear
was that
Ryutaro had been seduced by the sorrow of his victim. That was the black
hole that
all vampires had to be wary of when they took a life.

Part 3: Now with 100% more gratuitous angst.

We are also told that Atsushi trips over a branch and retches up his drinks while chasing Ryutaro. I call Unnecessary Detail.

Supporting myself against a cherry-blossom tree, I brushed
off the dirt and sakura
petals that had gotten onto my clothes. Looking at the pink-stained petals
that clung stubbornly
to my hair, I was reminded of the legend that the pink color of the flowers
is because there's a dead
warrior buried beneath each cherry tree, that the tree feeds on their
blood. Laughing, I marvelled
at the humans whose legends were so close to the truth.

It's the obligatory CLAMP reference (Tokyo Babylon) in an angstfic. Cuz, you know, all the COOL ficcers do it.

Now over to Ryutaro! No immediate sex, though, we need even more moping first...

I gently pulled his coat off, and
spread it on the damp ground.
I gestured for him to sit on the coat so he wouldn't get wet. ...
I could sense the hurt radiating from his entire being...never had I met
in as pain as he. Vampires feed on death and pain, so perhaps it was only
natural for me
to become transfixed by the beautiful pain that emanated from Yukari.
And all of a sudden, I wasn't nervous or jumpy anymore. It was as if
something had
taken over my body, telling it what to do. ... I felt small fingers of hunger caress my being,
my desire... I slid into Yukari's lap, trying hard to ignore the slight
shiver that rippled through my
awareness as our bodies touched. I could feel him tense up as I slipped my
around his neck and drew close to him, snuggling against the firmness of
his chest. His heartbeat
was somewhat erratic, and each breath seemed to be a struggle for him, as
if his body's natural will to
live was fighting a constant battle with his mind.


Yukari cries some more, and then they finally get on with it. Again, I have to wonder why they spend so much time on foreplay when it was said that the sex act itself is mere foreplay for vampires.

Fascinated by the way his lips moved, I couldn't help claiming them with
my own mouth, wanting to
savor firsthand their softness. I realized that he wasn't ready to tell me
about Shaisuke, so I
tried to make him forget. Even if he wouldn't, couldn't, tell me about
Shaisuke, I would learn the story soon
enough when I drained the tempting blood from his veins, sucking him
dry. I wriggled my hips, seeking a
more comfortable position on his lap. I let out an involuntary gasp as I
felt his hardness pressing intimately against
me, the telling evidence of his desire, even though he hadn't returned my
kiss. I felt my own length throb painfully
as the blood rushed down to the lower regions of my body. Closing my eyes
briefly, I wondered why I felt
a fleeting sense of guilt, of betrayal. I had a duty to perform,
and Yukari came before my own pleasure.
I paused, wondering if he would allow me to love his body, even while his
mind thought only of another.

And so on, and so on. Also note the "poetic" quote at the end of this particular scene.

Wait, we're back to Atsushi again. He watches them in the shadows (Oh boy! Kinky voyeurism!), and then decides it would be a great time to jerk off.

Although I wanted nothing more than to march up to the mortal, drain him,
and then fuck Ryutaro
senseless, I knew I had to let Ryutaro learn how to kill, how to literally
seduce the life away from the living. ...
I could feel my pulse quicken as I pictured Ryutaro, his slender body
thrusting into his victim while his
small hands drew the man's neck ever closer to that sweet death.. in the
end impaling the mortal
with his teeth while still embedded deep within his body....down there...
Almost unconsciously, my hand drifted down to caress the throbbing length
concealed in my pants.
Shuddering at the painful ecstacy, I saw tiny sparks dance across my
eyelids as I scrunched them shut
from the sensations that my hand brought me...imagining it was Ryutaro's
hand, not my own.
*Ryutaro...zutto...zutto...ore no Ryutaro...*

GH: Sparks is a majorly recurring word in this fic.
GH: I have no idea why.
LD: that sounds like he took them in his hand and crushed them like one of those drunken attempts to crack a walnut in your fist!
LD: his poor eyelids!
GH: Atsushi's eyes deserve better.
GH: They should not be in fic. at all.
LD: neither should any of his other body parts!

Atsushi soon hears the "audible tear of flesh" (since when did it make a noise?) and realizes his protege has done his vampiric duty. Personally, I'm happy I don't have to hear about Yukari bawling anymore.

And then, all of a sudden, the pain-filled cries ended, and he stood front
of me, swaying slightly,
a beautiful, deadly, nymph of the forest, covered in damp bits of grass,
flower petals and blood. The victim
must have put up a good fight. I was proud of my Ryutaro, ashamed that I'd
doubted him. Gloriously naked,
his mouth smeared with the mortal's lifeblood, he looked at me. His eyes
were half-closed, heavy with sated desire
and hunger, his pupils dilated with an irresistable wildness. For a
moment, he just stood there proudly,
completely bathed in the silver light, perfect skin marked by liquid
crimson stains.

No after-kill sex just yet, though, because Ryutaro has to share all the bloody fun with his mentor. YAY!

the most tantalizing thing
about draining the blood of mortals is that when you drink, you see their
life flash before you, you can
feel their emotions, their dreams, their whole essence. You could say that
we get high on such a
powerful and heady drug - which is why some vampires get addicted to the
sweet ecstasy that
killing brings.

I'd really hate to be a vampire if that blood was Corey Haim or Bob Saget or someone like that.

Ryutaro comes back all nice and swollen with blood to share with his vampiric sugar daddy. As Sakurai feeds from him, Ryutaro gets all weepy-eyed over the life of the guy he just killed. Sakurai reassures him that his victim is happy now, and he and Ryutaro will BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER!

We then find out the full story of our former sobbing uke as Atsushi sucks Ryutaro dry:

Although I normally pride
myself on my self-control, the life of this Yukari and his Shaisuke touched
me deeply. ...
Yukari and a red-haired man, laughing together, kissing, making love,
doing all the things that
couples do...and heart twisted painfully as the story changed its
tone. I saw the red-haired
Shaisuke and the streets of Tokyo, sakura swirling in the
air....coming across several yakuza...
... blood flowing from a fatal knife wound...pooling around Shaisuke's
cooling body...the tears of his lover..
..a last, shared smile......and then.....the police...arriving too late, as
always...the hospital...the funeral...
...the grieving friends...the sorrow...the drinking...the search to be with
Shaisuke again...
...the fast descent into hell...It passed by in a blur, faster and faster,
as if Yukari had wanted to
fastforward past the painful memories.

I think the place selling commas also had an ellipsis overstock.

Of course, what's disturbing is that, indeed, Shaisuke DID actually get killed. (Not like this, though, it was a car accident.) But, it seems this part of the fic was put up in the year 2000 (La Bamba voice: "In the year two-thouuuuuuuusaaaaaaaand!"). Shaisuke passed away in 2001. Unlike the last death reference, I can't really say the author was being disrespectful because he wasn't dead yet. But still, the pure CREEPINESS of it is evident, and the whole idea of deathfic involving real people is rather disconcerting, don't you think?

I held
Ryutaro even more
tightly, suddenly afraid for us. In the darkness, I felt that I could say
whatever I wanted. The normal rules
didn't apply anymore to us.
"Aishiteru, Ryutaro." I pressed a gentle kiss to his temple, smoothing
back his damp hair with my palm,
picking off flakes of dried blood and grass from his locks.
"I love you so much it hurts."
I knew he was sound asleep, but I still felt him smile against my
neck. Lulled by the rythmic sound of his
breathing, I suddenly realized he loved me too.

LD: oh, thank god, that's it *_*
LD: dammit, that touched me in BAD PLACES.
LD: buck-tick vampirism rps deathfic.
GH: With a totally tasteless reference to poor hide.
LD: where is an angry god with his thunderbolts right now?

So, in summary, this fic is just plain bad to begin with, with all sorts of annoyances and tastelessness that make it worse. I should note that the title comes from a Buck-Tick song, Gessekai, which was used as a theme to an anime called Night Walker, and while not stunning, it's a nice little show. If you DO want a vampire fix with B-T involved, I'd definitely take watching that any day over reading crapfic like this.

I think a more appropriate B-T tune, in relation to this fic, would be "Nakayubi."
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