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The triumph of the human spirit, this ain't.
Leather Daddy
ficbitches

THE INTERNET :: WHERE ALL YOUR FETISHES, NO MATTER HOW WEIRD, CAN BE ACCOMODATED.

Compiled by: Leather Daddy


SCORE
PLOT: 0/5 (You can detect certain trends, but the variety is rather amazing.)
CHARACTERIZATION: 0/5 (Look at the mpreg requests. LOOK AT WHO THEY WANT TO SEE PREGNANT! RPS MPREG!)
WRITING: 0/5 (Come on, people, how hard is it to spell "tongue" in your pr0n searches?)
AMUSEMENT FACTOR: 6/5 (IT BURNNNNNS!)


I'm too busy now to write up a full review, but instead, I invite you to take a look at a small sampling of the referrals our tracker on pitas picks up. This is from three days in March 2002, I believe - or was it 2001? At any rate, which is your favorite? >D


Yahoo: girls milk men and cum comes out
Google: "legend of Zelda" fanfiction yaoi
Google: gundam wing fanfic abomination
Google: super sperm + jeans + dry humping
Google: erotic giant inflating breasts stories
Yahoo: "woman" "prison" femslash
Google: Bulma goes to high school fanfiction
Yahoo: i want to make a girl sequel by sticking it up her cunt for a game let me play
Google: "not have hungry for eat food"
Google: violent blowjob slap happy
Yahoo: pippin spanking
Google: potion rape of the natural order harry potter
Google: ticklish guys get aroused
Yahoo: legolas +mpreg
Yahoo: day [o 'peeve
Google: Benimaru Is Gay?
Yahoo: tifa and aeris lesbian stories from final fantasy 7
Yahoo: athena's sex toy
Yahoo: raiden loves snake
Elven cock homosexual
Yahoo: Ranma with a dick in his mouth
Yahoo: story about heroine and bad characters
Google: cum bath story
Google: yuzuriha+kusanagi+fanfic
Yahoo: Digimon and Pokemon Crossover Fanfiction
Google: ranma-chan and akane kuno lemon
Google: Springfield XD review
Yahoo: Gimli/Legolas¡¡Diamond@slash
Google: Elrond fanfiction
Google: riley and Buffy romance fanfiction
Google: gorillaz slash
Google: "yaoi" "uke" "weeping"
Yahoo: K.O.F Yuri naked
Yahoo: bondage+king+of+fighters
Yahoo: hentai ranks
Google: digimon fanfic passionate
Yahoo: oh nick please not so quick buy
Google: Noodle 2D slash fics
Yahoo: euphamisms are they good or bad
Yahoo: Anorexic Fanfiction
Google: Tifa and Cloud having sex
Yahoo: Pokemon smut fanfics
Google: Harry Potter Lemon Fanfiction
Google: mary sue fanfic
Google: "Is JC gay?"
Yahoo: Hiko Fic
Google: filthy smut
Yahoo: drunk passwords
Yahoo: porn Yumi Komagata
Yahoo: digimon sexy story site!
Google: glorfindel slash fic
Google: kof plot
Google: Relena-bashing Fics
Yahoo: Yue's Fanfiction
Yahoo: cruel intentions fanfiction
Yahoo: JC Chasez Mpreg stories
Yahoo: jurassic park fanfiction
Google: +legolas +fanfic +slash
Google: Angelus Fanfiction
Google: body piercing scaring ugly problems
Yahoo: aragorn and legolas sex fanfics
Yahoo: n'sync mpreg
Yahoo: mpreg fanfic harry potter
Google: totoro hentai
Google: petshop of horrors fanfiction
Google: fanfiction adult heterosexual gundam wing
Google: JC Chasez daddy fanfiction
Yahoo: legolas having sex
Google: Ai no kusabi fanfiction
Yahoo: real people fanfiction
Google: mpreg gundam yaoi
Google: Slash Mpreg Yaoi
Google: Generic Miko fanfiction
Google: kenshin fanfiction collapsed
Google: stop ejactulation
Google: captor sakura sex fanfiction
Google: jedi outcast cue fix
Google: "James Bond" cock
Yahoo: kenshin had sex with kaoru
Yahoo: hiko aoshi yaoi
Google: gundam bitches
Google: cousin loves the incest
Yahoo: FREE story screw ejaculate
Yahoo: card captors crossover fanfiction
Yahoo: kensou loves athena
Google: kenshin and tomoe having sex
Yahoo: vicious hentai
Yahoo: Sailor Moon Crossover fanfiction
Yahoo: Memento fanfiction
Google: digimon romantic fanfic
Google: bitch slave slap
Google: Phantom of the Opera fanfiction
Google: kenshin and kaoru romantic story
Yahoo: butchering gay boys stories
Yahoo: Queeny Love passwords
Google: what makes hentai pornographic
Google: Japanese phrases, making out, sex
Google: fanfiction term ooc
Google: yuri & friends kof hentai
Yahoo: +Fanfiction +sex +rape
Google: gui-gon obi-wan fanfiction
Google: Final-Fantasy written sex stories erotic
Yahoo: fanfiction from hell slash
Google: Kenshin porn
Google: "scary sex" "pictures"
Google: Fuckin' Good hentai king of fighters
Google: kof sex girls manage
Google: severus snape mpreg fiction
Yahoo: gundam wing fic "I Said I Loved You But I Lied"
Yahoo: ranma digimon fanfic
Google: saitou sanosuke fanfiction
Yahoo: Lord of the rings fanfiction Legolas angst
Yahoo: incest sex stories for readers to read only on non pay sites
Yahoo: head of dead people
Yahoo: squall is sexy


Oh, and for those people who want our real names and real email addresses:

You're only getting my real name and address if you're sending me MONEY or PR0N.

Enjoy! ^_~


I often wonder why the image of men incubating things in their intestines is so appealing ...

and then I remember the audience demographic for such fiction. And cringe some more.

Horrible Curiosity...

(Anonymous)
What *is* the demographic for this stuff? I always assumed it fell under the same category as "people who find poop sexy," or "people who think plush toys are sexy." Namely: people I don't really want to know about, but now I'm seized with horrible curiosity.
-Washington Irving

Ignoring the amusement value of "[blank] is gay?" ...

I'd have to go with "kenshin had sex with kaoru" because I imagine it as the stupidest lemon search ever. As though the fanfic will go: "They trained for a while, then Kenshin had sex with Kaoru. Afterwards, they had some miso." or something.

Legolas Mpreg (and the severus one)
"Is JC gay?" (Is that Jesus Christ, Jean-Claude, or someone else)
Phantom of the Opera fanfiction (please do ficbitch one)

PS: You spelled 'Porn' wrong in the summary of this article. Either that, or what in the heck is 'pron?'

"pron" was a joke. because other people misspell it.

SNAPE mpreg?! noooo. baaaad.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
"Totoro porn" is just SO WRONG >.

the sad thing is...

it actually exists.

do not ask how i know this, for my mind has shoveled the search process over in the deepest, darkest depths to defend against me ever inflicting anything like that on it again.

"Yahoo: i want to make a girl sequel by sticking it up her cunt for a game let me play "...

What scares me is that THIS is the one that confused me the most.

*Sequel*?

(Not to mention the rest of it...)


I have a suspicion that s/he/it meant 'squeal'. I do wonder what impression the ficbitch site made.

Throw your lives away FOR JUSTICE!

(Anonymous)
First, this is WAY off-topic, but this is a big forum and I don't have an LJ account.

I ask that you Read this little piece of good old American democracy (http://www.publicintegrity.org/dtaweb/report.asp?ReportID=502&L1=10&L2=10&L3=0&L4=0&L5=0), Then write your representative and tell them we don't want to live in a police state. (http://www.house.gov/writerep/)

Apathy is on the verge of doing this country in, so please PLEASE take the five minutes out to read what Washington wants to do in the name of stopping terrorism. And then PLEASE take another five minutes to tell Congress that their plan sucks and is in clear violation of our basic rights.

I also ask that you PLEASE spread this around so more people find out about it. Before the gestapo starts knocking on our doors.

Peace out.

=^-^= Kittykat (http://the-kittykat.diaryland.com)

Re: Throw your lives away FOR JUSTICE!

As much as I dislike invasion of privacy, your spam(I've seen the same message on other journals)is as godawful annoying as chain letters. Not a good way to bring attention to your cause.

You missed one

(Anonymous)
Thankfully there's nothing that can be considered 'Phantom of the Opera' mpreg, however I did find a phantom/Xena crossover, as well as about half a dozen mpreg Xena stories, almost all being cupid/strife (th one exception is Ares/Joxer).

Mmmmmm.... Joxer/Ares m-preg.
I've actually looked up a couple of these........
O_o
Not any of the really fucked up stuff, just "Slash Mpreg Yaoi" and the like.

You forgot one I found a while back:

"girl with no clows on"

Either it is the worst-spelled pr0n search ever, or the most screwed-up CCS fic in existance.

*sniff* Your entry gets all the attention. ;_; Ah well, mine's party for an obscure fandom, so I don't mind.

i really need to make a 'cringe' icon.

some of these aren't so bad. i've actually seen LoZ yaoi fics floating around... and one seems to be searching for a specific fic.

the other ones, however..... *dead*

.... 'gui-gon'? no bets that that search parameter turned up absolutely NOTHING...

>> hiko aoshi yaoi

That makes me cry. Cry a lot. Not only does Hiko get to have Okon and Omasu, but now he gets to fuck Okashira as well? *shivers* Next there will be Okina/Hiko yaoi out there and that just... *pokes out own eyes*

The Snape mpreg is very disturbing as well.... but I won't get into that >_>

The thing that scares me most is that the only search I had an adverse reaction to was the Snape m-preg one... Ficbitches has jaded me to the horrors of our world.

alot of those search enquiries ( did i spell that right?? ) sound a lot like some stores the ficbitches reviewed.

Ex:Yahoo: "woman" "prison" femslash

Sounds like the FF7 fic "Chocobo Nights" or something like that

Referral rambling

(Anonymous)
Yes, it had to have hit at least one of the pages in order for that person to have appeared on the counter. Every one of those searches... somehow... found a page.

Thing is, they (either the search engine or the searchers) don't seem to pay much attention to context and will jump at any link in which their words both appear - if "people who like HP mpreg are idiots", you'll get hits on "HP mpreg" anyway. Likewise if the terms appear at opposite ends of the page.

Kind of makes you wonder first if they're paying any attention at all, and what sorts of way-out-there searches are turning up these pages but not actually clicking on the search result... scary.

~ irritating bystander

You know... Snape mpreg fics were bad enough before the movies. But now, just think. The movies bring along a whole new set of mental images. *faints from the sheer horror*

That having been said... *faints again*

fave thing

(Anonymous)
Yahoo: oh nick please not so quick buy

i mean, what's THAT all about? who searches for that? and WHY did it refer the person to ficbitches? *lost*

plus its just funny cuz its so out of place :P

I can clear up that mystery. "Oh Nick Please Not So Quick" is a song on Dance Dance Revolution. Someone was probably hoping to buy the CD the song appears on.

Re: fave thing (Anonymous) Expand
I'm sorry, but "yaoi" "uke" "weeping" conjures up the most laughably pathetic image in my head. What kind of condition do you have to be in to make a search like THAT? Every time I see it on the list I start laughing XD