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Public Service Announcement
Velvet Venus
ficbitches
This isn't a review, but it could be. We ficbitches are not ones who generally wallow around in other people's angst when they get upset over reviews of their story. Well, that's a lie, yes we are! That being said, we have an important public service announcement for everyone:

"[Ficbitches] are the Bin Laden of fanfic critics."


So in the interest of humor and possibly presenting the other side of the story, I give you...

Silence Must Be Heard.


Last year our own wonderful Gunstar Heroine reviewed a Virtua Fighter story. The Silence Must Be Heard is the author's broken hearted response to said review.






Velvet Venus: http://www.geocities.com/nuvsheikah/nomore.htm XD
Leather Daddy: hoboy XD
Velvet Venus: the author's complaint goes on for like 6 pages XD
Velvet Venus: this is cracking me up
Leather Daddy: DUDE, THE BIN LADEN OF FIC CRITICS! XD
Leather Daddy: man, she must have fun in English classes XD
Velvet Venus: I KNOW!
* Leather Daddy is dying here XD
Velvet Venus: I so want to mention that! XD
Leather Daddy: XDDD
Leather Daddy: put it as a comment for that particular review, out of fairness, so people can see the other side :D
Leather Daddy: let's pretend that we're not evil bitches out for blood.
Leather Daddy: PRETEND being the operative word here >D
Velvet Venus: bah XD
Leather Daddy: or just make it a new comment.
Leather Daddy: bin laden of fic reviewers XD
Velvet Venus: XDDDD
Random Person: They are reviewing your guys' review?
Leather Daddy: good lord, I must say that life has been kind to her so far if this shatters her ego so completely.
Velvet Venus: yeah, we reviewed one of her Virtua Fighter Mary Sue stories.
Leather Daddy: her self-esteem was like a squirrel before the mack truck of our witty repartee, she's claiming? :P
Velvet Venus: hahahaha
Leather Daddy: the bin laden of...XD
Leather Daddy: I can't get over that! XD
Velvet Venus: I KNOW! XD
Velvet Venus: "By the way, I am going to create a self-insertion fanfic soon, which is inspired by another of nearly the same type, because we can relate. And if it gets a "slap to the head", then I shall have to reply with a "taser to the ass". Consider this whole thing just a "salt rub in the paper cut" for now"
Leather Daddy: a salt rub in the paper cut for whom?
Leather Daddy: for her, or for us?
Velvet Venus: her, I think.
Velvet Venus: I must say, that's got to be one big fucking paper cut to get a salt rub in it XD
Leather Daddy: well, she is more than welcome to write whatever she wants, but if she posts it in a public forum, she obviously intends other people to see it...now, personally I'm a wuss and I'm not as mean as I could be, but...
Velvet Venus: I am! XD
* Leather Daddy can't see that we're THE MEANEST REVIEWERS ON THE INTERNET
Leather Daddy: XD
Leather Daddy: dude, of course you are.
Leather Daddy: you're the bin laden of fanfic reviewers.
Velvet Venus: XDDD
Leather Daddy: quick, save that, it might disappear, and then I won't be able to giggle at it. XD
* Random Person sees that Leather Daddy loves that phrase.
Random Person: XD XD
Velvet Venus: saved XD
Leather Daddy: come on, man, it's a great, great phrase! XD
Random Person: Yes, yes it is. XD
Leather Daddy: dude, we == bin laden for saying that her mary sue was ridiculous! I can't believe she's taking it that seriously!
Leather Daddy: then again, that IS a hallmark of a mary sue XD
Leather Daddy: criticism of character = criticism of self = FUCK YOU, BITCH, MY TEENAGE ANGST IS MEANINGFUL!


Ha ha ha ha...

(Anonymous)
I think this was my favorite line out of the whole complaint...

If you put the characters AS THEY ARE, and ONLY them, then nobody is going to read it because...IT'S BORING!!!!

Really? Silly me, I thought it was "well-written fanfiction where the characters are kept in character and stick to canon."

Of course, the "Bin Laden" line is good too :D.

-Limyaael.

And really, if the characters just as they are and only them are so boring, then why do you find the game itself entertaining at all?

Velvet Venus

Re: Ha ha ha ha... (Anonymous) Expand
If Bin Laden = ficbitches, then bad fanfic = the World Trade Center? Which makes good fanfic = the Taliban?

Logic? We don't need no steenking logic!

Seriously, these children need a healthy dose of perspective. Preferably slapped through their buttocks.

Y'now...it's fangirls like the one who wrote "Wild Lamb" which make me worry about fandom sometimes. It just appalls me that girls like her seem to be the majority when it comes to fanfic.

The reson why fanfic gets such a bad rep and isn't taken seriously is because of brats like her! ARGH! Just because you can TYPE doesn't mean you can WRITE. Her attitude towards writing and storytelling just ANNOYS me to no end >_<

But, the Bin Laden crack was funny :) But I don't see y'all as terrorists so much as y'all are Freedom Fighters. ^_^


ahahaha!

(Anonymous)
If Bin Laden = ficbitches, then bad fanfic = the World Trade Center? Which makes good fanfic = the Taliban?</a>

LOL! XD

that's too funny.

I personally think that her "self-insertion" fic should be reviewed...she'd prolly have a fit! hehehe XD

Re: ahahaha!

(Anonymous)
No, wait, let me try here. Ficbitches are the Osama Bin Laden, thus the whole entire group of those who write blogs about bad fanfiction are the Taliban. Bad Fanfics must be the American government, which gave rise to the Taliban, so that analogy works, since no one would bitch about this if fics weren't horrible. This means that ff.net must the twin towers. I don't know what the planes would be, but once ff.net is taken down, bad fanficcers will declare war on Seiji's bitchcave (which I hope updates one of these days), because Seiji is the Saddam Husein to your Osama.

I'm still trying to figure out who's North Korea

trying..not...to...rant.

(Anonymous)
okay maybe this is just my college-level ignorance showing through but i though the whole point of writing was to make an interesting story with developed characters and plot. in the case of fanfiction one is constricted due to the fact that the writer is using another person's characters and thus are tied(and duty bound) to keep those characters as they are formed by their original creator. (thus making fanfiction a rather difficult subject to tackle....if done right) i will avoid my usual rant over how teenage typists need a good writing workshop to take their egos down a peg. (send them over to the one i went to...that'll fix em up just right.) i will simply say this, i love this site. i love the insight it provides to really bad fanfiction and as an aspiring writer, i say this: please keep what you're doing ficbitches and to all egotistical fanfic writers, it's called criticism, when you create something intended for public viewing you have to expect it. and when you put out a piece of writing that you, yourself KNOW is bad you have to expect some bashing on the reviewer's part. that's why good writers have such thick skins. danke
mouse[end rant]

Sounds more like a matter of Copyright

(Anonymous)
Having just undertaken a semester of Copyright Law, I've been thinking about the implications of copyright in respect of fanfictions.

If the manga is an artistic work and the anime is a cinematograph film, then to write fanfiction is to make an adaptation in a literary form.

To make an adaptation usually requires permission, even if writers don't call the characters their own. That issue aside, supposing the author doesn't care that we're using their characters for fanfiction, they do have other moral rights attached to their works other than copyright - one of them being the right to prevent their works from being treated in a derogatory manner.

If a fanfic writer therefore causes a canon character to behave with gross amounts of out-of-characterness such that it constitutes offensive character rape, I think said writer is also in breach of the author's moral rights to have their work treated with integrity.

Seriously, how do people call themselves fans if all they can do is distort characters just to make their little Mary Sue loved by all? Don't they realize that people love the characters for who they are and not their pathetic, twisted reflection in a Mary Sue fanfic?

I dread the day I get ficbitched.

Or is that "I look forward" to it?

Some days, it's hard to tell. Depends on how thick my skin's feeling at the time, I think.

*sniff*

Now I'm jealous. I wanted to be the Bin Laden of Fic Critics.

Sigh

(Anonymous)
Of course! Everyone knows that if a review isn't a total ass-kiss then the reviewer must be a horrible, horrible person who just wants to hurt them.

Oh honey, grow the fuck up would you? Maybe you should put more effort into improving your stories instead of whining when you get a bad review.

Icz

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
If you don't like crappy fanfics, the terrorists have already won.

(Deleted comment)
Doesn't this person know that calling someone a "Bin Laden" automatically means you lose the argument, since you obviously can't make a point without attacking your opponent?

This can be the new, modern version of Godwin's law! Especially since I seem to see Bin Laden comparisons more often than Hitler ones these days.

(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)

Proper Argument

(Anonymous)
A "real" argument is one in which the person poses his/her points with evidence supporting the points. Emotion and so forth is supposed to be taken completely out of the process.

The "Bin Laden" comment was probably the best thing that chick ever came up with, but that doesn't change the fact that it is what we pretentious people call an "ad hominem"-- attacking the speaker instead of the speaker's points.

Although sometimes I think the ficbitches do look at fanfic through mud-colored glasses, this was one I agreed with them on whole-heartedly, simply because "Wild Lamb" was an incredibly uninspired, boring, repetitive, and derivative fic. The author drew upon familiar cliches without adding a single hint of orginality, thus producing a piece of crap exactly like all the other pieces of crap out there, as she admits herself-- "Everybody does it!"

The saddest aspect of this entire situation is that the author didn't take the hint. She lashed out in an immature and illogical fashion, and then added (aaaaaarrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!) that she intends on doing a self-insertion fic!

HURT HER, HURT HER NOW! Ficbitches, you have a divine duty now to track down that fic by any means possible and NUKING her ass into next week. Throw some anthrax and smallpox on her while you're at it. You're the Bin Laden Badasses-- you can do it!

What's even funnier is that she went to many extra efforts to make sure nobody would find her fic. It seems after we reviewed it she had no confidence left in it either.

And of course, the not-at-all-subtle dig on my personal tastes at the end. (Van's probably more of a mature woman than you shall ever be, dearie.)

Ummm... smoking turkeys? Quack quack??

(Anonymous)
You'd think that if you wrote a goddamned stupid fic, you would either a) support it wholeheartedly in the face of all criticism (dumb, but at least you maintain your undeveloped adolescent pride in your creation) or b) make the "No, it's not here" message not reflect said stupidity. But no, that would be logical. It would also show that the author has some fuckn' pride. Guess that's a universal, resounding NO on both counts.-- The Proper Argument Bitch.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
Goodness me.

And to think, the best I have gotten is a single frothy piece of hate mail that read as if it were typed by monkeys. Adolescent monkeys, at that.

Obviously I have not been trying hard enough. A pox on you, Gunstar Heroine, I shall catch up yet!

/me poxes out and dies

I hope you're happy. x_x

...the bin Laden of fanfiction review? That has to be the most amusing analogy yet. What does that make Mary Sue badfic, George W. Bush? XD;

You know... if she didn't suspect in the back of her mind that the review was on the money, wouldn't she have just laughed it off or ignored it completely? I'm so sick and tired of all the pretentious angst that inevitably follows less-than-favorable reviews. Your story was crap, sweetheart. Grow the hell up.

A crybaby who can't write, and needs a fuckin' slap to the head. So true, so true.

Awww...the bin Ladin of fic reviewers!

I want to be slapped to the head. Come on, sock it to me. *gnaws on leather daddy's leg*

Certainly. But in the spirit of an honest review, there's no guarantee you'll like everything I have to say!

The other thing to take into consideration is that your fans may take it upon themselves to defend your honor from the Bin Laden of the fic reviewing world, and although that doesn't bother me, it's more spam. You're a big girl, though, you can handle your own fights. >D

That goes for all of you who'd like us to review your fics ~ soft targets are not safe! THE GREAT SATAN WILL PERISH IN FLAMES!

That's the best analogy! (Anonymous) Expand
Yes! All of you! Collectively! Curses upon every occular organ in the room! It was reading this that spawned my gnawing curiosity as it whether there exists any Osama bin Laden slash in the world.

And there does! MY EYES!

Re: Damn your eyes!

....I'm afraid I'll have to at least see the link to believe it. My wavering faith in humanity is desperately attempting to hold on to the single frayed wire that suspends me above the fifteen-hundred foot drop to utter cynicism.

...and yet, I'm morbidly curious. Who with? Dubya? Saddam? X_X