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It Came From The Just In Bin
Ficbitches
ficbitches
It Came From The Just In Bin

Reviewed by: Lunar Love

Sometimes, Gentle Reader, brevity is the soul of mockery.

It is my considered opinion that you need not necessarily read a fanfic to be horrified by it. It is true, Gentle Reader, that you must read the fanfic to understand the true depths of said horror; however, all too often, merely reading the summary of said fanfic is enough.

Indeed, Gentle Reader, if you are simply looking for cheap scares and an inescapable presentiment of doom, you need not actually read fanfiction, you need only hie yourself to any index page on the monstrous fanfiction.net and read the summaries presented to you. Most of them will be simply boring, Gentle Reader. A handful might actually sound interesting. Another handful will be completely uninformative.

And then... well. See for yourself.

For your edification and amusement, Gentle Reader, I present the following fanfiction titles and summaries copied and pasted directly from fanfiction.net. I have not edited them in any way, save for paragraphing. And, Gentle Reader, I refuse to comment upon or mock these summaries in any way. Such a thing would be extraneous, like a false moustache on the Mona Lisa.

Indeed, Gentle Reader, in silence I shall allow the author's own words to mock them.


(From the Gundam Wing section:)

Waterpark by ToMoKo

me and my friends take the g-wing boiz to a water park!! fun fun fun!! yaoi hint!!(what am i saying? i flat out say it!! but if ya don't like yaoi you can still read it! cuz i .... make them not be that way!!!)

Da G-boiz get stuck in mirror land... by firehothunni

Well..the da b-boiz get stuck in mirror land and end up seeing sum pretty strange things....and they have no idea how to get out....wuts going to happen to them??nuttin horible..just strange things that i thot up...cuz i'm strange muwahahhaha!!R&R

(From the Star Ocean section:)

Star Ocean: Another Story by Divine X

THE TEN GEEZERS AIN'T DEAD...spooky. Claude spys, Rena crys, Indalecio does balletO_OLeon finds out what sugar isX_X

(From the Harry Potter section:)

Draco, Tara, Kimi, Ron And the Time warp song by Dracoschick

A HP with the time warp song from Rock horror picture show. Draco bust out singing The Time warp song and Every one sings it with him, Yes The teachers too. my first fanfic so r/r please!!!!!!


HARRY FINDS OUT THE TRUTH by Mr.T The one and only G

READ AND FIND OUT- YOU MAY BE PLEASENTLY SURPRISED- REVIEW 9PLEASE IM DESPERATEW+FREAKY

(From the Pokemon section:)

JAJL fics and 'Pearl Harbor' - separated at birth! by Gobshite McNally

Why rocketshipping fics r kewl, and why Pearl Harbor is the best movie, and why their so similr. r&r

Cuming of Age by Tracey Ketchum

Ashe adn Tracey realise there luv fore each other

(From the Good Charlotte section:)

Lyke..im 2 lazie 2 make a tytle by Lukkie C

HEHEHE!!!! Eye have NO idea what to write for a summary! Just wead it kuz i'm a kewl ritter or some junk. I'm not gonna tell you wut itz about...so read and review or else i won't continue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(From the Dragon Ball Z section:)

Finding Love (soon to change) by Dreamberry

Pan drunk? I wub you?She kicks her date's butt? She breaks Vegeta's prized Gravity Room? Marron bashing? Read to find out. A T/P.

Goku Vegeta fihgt to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!! by Irie Yurika

goku and vegeta fhgt abot bulma cuz she had yumcha child?!!?????? rnR cuz i like reviw

(From the Card Captor Sakura section:)

Denial by Ryo-chan

~*I wuv dis ep...unfortunately...I forgot the girl's name and the card's name x_x except for Hoppy...wa!lol first CCS fic,S+S of course!Read and Review,or face the rabid Belloblossom!*~

(From the Dream Street section:)

Hot Lake Hotel by Pepsi-Stalker

!~*~!Summery Inside. Hot Lake is a Real place. you all wuv me, right? hehe so pleze read&review! hehe if you do...i'll read n review ures if you aske me to....lol okay so thats bribery but oh hellz...hehe!~*~

(From the Sailor Moon section:)

Cursed by Miko633

Miko & Papyrus productions brings u a tale about the depths of luv & what it means 2 b in luv. A twisted story where we learn more about the opposite sex. Teehhee.. Usagi oriented fic feat the entire gang. A serious/comedy exploring luv. Interested?? R/R

(From the B2K section:)

Wha Happenz when Omarion spitz (loogies not game)? by mrsdanajmario

shia loved omarion, but little did she know that he o dont hardly luv her ass

real love by loveher

Druex meets this gurl destiny and they start out as friends,but it gets deeper then that!!!ROme is her godbrother and he is like her big brother and when it comes to boiz?nigga dont be playin!!! Druex really wants destiny as his gurl!Please Read!!!!!!!!!!

(From the Blue Seed section:)

The feelings within by RavenBeauty29

(Finished) Kusanagi is N luv with Momiji & Momiji is N luv with Kusanagi but Kusanagi wont tell his feeling cuz hes afraid she wont feel the same way & Momiji wont say her feeling cuz she is 2 stubborn. Just read I know U will enjoy~!

(From the Lord of the Rings section:)

The evil belt by Leia-Elise

This story is about two friens who find Saroun's wifes belt of power!!!!!!!!!!!plz r&r

what if three gothis came to middel-earth... by Telpefeaewn

okay.my friends and i are transported to middel eath don't ask me how because i still have to figure that out.well we end up in middel-earth.and try to kill some stuff nut we can't were to scary they run aeay.the orcs.


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REVIEW 9PLEASE IM DESPERATEW+FREAKY

Well, I certainly cannot argue with that sort of logic. Desperate and freaky: great reasons to review someone.

...These stories EXIST?!

Dead God!

Freudian much?

(Freudian Slip: When you say one thing and mean your mother.)

Dead God

(Anonymous)
If even the summaries are this bad, then it's quite possible that God IS dead.

...Or on vacation.

Random commentary..

Just a random reader (great, great site, BTW!) with a comment about this:

I'm a friend of the author of "Goku Vegeta fihgt to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!", and for the record, it is/was a parodyfic done after reading all the crap in the DBZ section and being sick unto death. It's actually sort of funny, in a "people actually reviewed it seriously" way, and it certainly wasn't meant seriously.

Anyway, rock on, folks.

Re: Random commentary..

Hi, I'm the author of the Goku Vegeta fihgt to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!! fic....my friend pointed me to your LJ... (And I embarrassed myself by laughing hysterically at the library, where I got the message.)

Personally, out of all the mushy, WAFF-y, stereotypical fanfics I've written and posted on FF.net, I am most proud of the really bad crapfic I wrote about Goku and Vegeta. (I'm really ashamed of everything else I've written.) Now I have to go write a sequel....

Thankies! :)

Hell, I'm more scared that these SUMMARIES exist! Do these people even know that they are speaking a language, and that it has rules for usage and whatnot? I think not, and that scares me the most--especially considering I'm an English major with the goal of becoming a professor, and I might have to teach these kids how to write. Or just fail them out of hand for being mostly idiots (that is, of course, save those who purposely wrote drivel to parody those who are serious about it).

Thank you so much for writing this review! And not just because it was so amusing to read those chose examples of fanfics that never should have existed, but because one of my biggest pet peeves is when authors write monstrously incomprehensible summaries and then complain about no one "R&R"ing their stories. The whole point of a summery is to: 1) tell readers what the story is about (or, in some cases, warn them), and 2)actually make them want to take the time to read it. It should be an advertisement for the actual story, so it really cheeses me off when an author can’t even be bothered to write something other then “Im no good at summarys, just r&r plz”. I don’t know about you, but when I’m sorting through the several thousand fics available on ff.net alone, nothing makes me want to spend time reading a fic like an author begging for readers when they can’t even be bothered to spell check their own summery. And let’s not forget the excessive exclamation marks, or when it’s written in all caps, or uses an emotion after every sentence; all time tested ways to convey one’s artistic vision. And on a semi-related note; “(insert random character’s name here) get’s drunk!!!!!!!!” or “ (the quiet brooding character) discovers sugar!!!!!!111!!!!!” is not a plot, it’s a cop-out.

Qhat the fuck?

(Anonymous)
but if ya don't like yaoi you can still read it! cuz i .... make them not be that way!!!)

Um,is this the reverse of 'lesbians want a man' thing?

This story is about two friens who find Saroun's wifes belt of power!!!!!!!!!!!plz r&r

I'm scared and I hope that's not a euphemism

okay.my friends and i are transported to middel eath don't ask me how because i still have to figure that out.well we end up in middel-earth.and try to kill some stuff nut we can't were to scary they run aeay.the orcs.

I hope they learn to spell

Cuming of Age

...ah, how very special, and um...sweet? I think? It's either sweet or icky. I'll figure it out later.

"HEHEHE!!!! Eye have NO idea what to write for a summary! Just wead it kuz i'm a kewl ritter or some junk. I'm not gonna tell you wut itz about...so read and review or else i won't continue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*raises eyebrow* Talk about motivation _not_ to review...

>_<*

(Anonymous)
Good Lord. My faith in the human race has been destroyed.

Actually, the titles of bad fics are just as amusing as the summaries. I once found a fic (unfortunately, I've forgotten where) titled "When all is said and done and the music stop--now spell checked." Yes, that was the actual title. I bet it had a great summary...

Ah, fanfiction.net... Ah, Just In... there used to be no better way to spend an a late night (especially after heartily partaking of your mind-altering substance of choice) than seeing what pieces of shit literature were the newest on the kiddies' minds. Like the LOTR story about the beautiful elven girl who's Legolas' long lost best friend and can save the whole Fellowship named Jane, as told from the point of view of her horse. This stuff got me through college...

> JAJL fics and 'Pearl Harbor' - separated at birth! by Gobshite McNally

So, I used to be a big Pokemon fan... Gobshite writes parody fics, especially mocking the main het pairings (as the authors tend to be so a) intolerant of other pairings, and b) really shitty). So this one, at least, isn't serious.

> Wha Happenz when Omarion spitz (loogies not game)? by mrsdanajmario
>
> shia loved omarion, but little did she know that he o dont hardly luv her ass

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both.

Beautiful collection.

erin

my eyes, they bleed, they bleed. Oh my God, the English language was not made to be abused in this way...

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